We can thank the wonderful writings of one Stephenie Meyer and her mediocre screen play for the opportunity to read the first three posts here again, they are from another time best forgot.
So then. Twilight. I acquired this whilst the grips of vampirism-obsession had me. Vampire Wars that time consuming facebook application coupled neatly with a few viewings of An Interview With A Vampire (excellent film fyi) led me to see what all the fuss was about.
Ah yes. The fuss. well the fuss is also know as Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) whom some people might remember as the equally dishy Cedric Diggery from the Harry Potter cinema epidemic. I don't know, i think girls must have a thing for an indie guy with a massive bit of wood hanging between his legs, this continues to confuse and disturb me. Moreover i found his performance to be adequate. Run of the mill. Nothing fudging special so stop swooning at posters of him and forcing me to step OVER you to get into screen 11, where a real man with real FULLY DEVELOPED MAN-TESTICLES is killing robots in the future. Honestly.
I thought his portrayal of the distant odd child at the beginning of the film was very well done, the viewer can obviously tell this kid had serious family issues and didn't act "normal" around the other highly segregated high school cliques. The leading lady however, is a different story. Kristen Stewert, who's only notable role to date was in Zathura the supposed sequel to Jumanji that caused me to pay less attention than the Iranian election's foul play committee paid to the dodgy men in black vans carrying bags marked "VOTES" in the direction of the incinerator.
One scene springs to mine. The first time the two leads meet and actually talk is during a science lesson, observing onion root tip cells during cellular replication. Now the chemistry, if that's what "that" was, between the pair is odd. She seems to be almost on the point of quivering ecstasy and struggling to get every word out. He seems to be more interested in everything else in the room (i now understand because he has the munchies) and this does kind of break the magic somewhat.
The storyline and screenplay i have no faults with, to fault both of them i would have had to read the book and i don't intend on doing that anytime soon so there we have it. Other minor nerdish issues i have with this film include the mythos of vampires. There are some blatant deviations from the core traits about the vampire. No reflections is one. Having to sleep in a coffin is another. Turning to dust in sunlight a third. But the one that truely takes the AB+ from the blood bank is the god-awful scene that actually made me rewind to watch again JUST to make sure i hadn't somehow slipped through a spacial rend and ended up in a seminar intitled "Amature Dramatics For The Emotionally Bereft" I am referring to the sunlight scene. Without ruining it for those of you yet to see the film (which i do encourage despite my hole picking) vampires change in sunlight. Ed feels he has to show Bella this, something to do with the puny emotion of trust between paramours i don't know, anyway, he steps into the sunlight and "changes." I was fully expecting a grotesque Gothic vampyre image to appear. I could not have been more wrong. His skin turns to thousands of diamonds and he sparkles. Like a freaking disco ball. I honestly thought hairy-chested, flare-sporting sex pests were going to leap forth from the undergrowth and begin accosting young impressionable girls like it was the 1970s all over again located exclusively within the vicinity of that one conveniently place sunbeam. The BEST thing, the absolute BEST part of the scene though is Bella's reaction to his new found lustre. She goes all teary-eyed and says "No.....You're Beautiful!" and runs after him. My honest thought was "GOLD DIGGER He's made of diamond and she's gonna get herself a Porche with his pinkie"
So yeah, pretty scathing for a film i actually enjoyed. Lets hope the build up of blogger in me last for a few more films, albums, games and general musings.
Who would win in a battle of the sexies; Isla Fisher or Hayden Panettiere? Does it matter? Are we just happy to watch them fight? I am. I sooooo am.
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