The Perfect Host

No more than five minutes have passed between the film finishing and me starting to compose this review. If that doesn't show you how much of my opinion I wish to ram into the internet like mediocre stuffing into an under-cooked turkey then I don't know what will. (Little holiday humour there for y'all)

The Perfect Host, starring David Hyde Pierce (Frasier, Hellboy, The Simpsons) and Clayne Crawford (literally nothing worth mentioning) and the directorial debut from Nick Tomnay, cannot be succinctly surmised in any tongues of man, elves or other inhabitants of Middle Earth, because it's got more twists than a twisty, turny thing. So instead, I shall endeavor to briefly describe most of the different sections of this film, without giving too much away so as to render watching it moot, because this film is not to be missed. A quick over-view of this film could be one part Hard Candy, one part....something else entirely, I really couldn't think of anything else. Onwards.

The Criminal

The film opens on John Taylor (Crawford), a bank robber on the run from the lawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (Stallone style). Having just robbed a bank for a significant sum of money, John is looking for a place to lay low for the night. He drives out to the suburbs and stumbles around a neighborhood, looking for a likely place to hole up. An amusing exchange with a Jehovah's Witness occurs. 'Nuff said, don't want to spoil it. Eventually John opens a letter box, reads a few letters and a postcard from 'Julia' and attempts to bluff his way into Warwick's (Hyde Pierce) house under the pretense of being an old friend of Julia's.

Now then. Anyone who's ever seen any Frasier will instantly recognise Warwick as Niles Crane (Hyde Pierce's character from Frasier), the likeness in mannerisms, style of speech and even dress sense is uncanny. Continuing the similarities to Niles, Warick acts The Perfect Host (ahh, ahh, y'see, there it is) and invites John in to use his phone to track down his luggage, call his cousin and any number of barely believable problems John needs help with.

Needless to say, if you've seen the trailer you'll know what happens now. Warwick accidentally hears on the radio that there is a criminal in his neighborhood, who matches John's description and suddenly the previous air of pleasantries, and quiet small talk is blown away as John snaps into this aggressive, violent hardened criminal. Warwick, being the timid, slight man he is complies with John's demands and threats, cancelling the dinner party he had arranged for that night.



The Obvious Development

Good gravy this was exactly what I was watching this film for, and I was certainly not disappointed. Warwick goes bat-shit bananas crazy. The tables are completely turned as John finds himself drugged and tied to a chair and the head of the dining table, a dinner party in full swing. Warwick continues as normal, only lashing out at John if he disrupts his "perfect evening." During the party John joins in with a conga line, goes swimming, converses with the party guest and the fact that he is a hardened criminal is completely ignored by all the guests. This proved to be absolutely hilarious. There is even a musical number. I'm a huge fan of Frasier, and this was exactly what I expected Niles to have done had Maris pushed him just a little too far That is to say, gone completely stark raving mad whilst at the same time still mingling and chit chatting.

The Gruesome Revelation

During the festivities, Warwick shows John a photo album of all his dinner parties. What John sees is an album that charts one guest in particular from their arrival, through to midnight, 3am and finally 6am the next morning. Progressively getting closer to death. Whilst not as shockingly gruesome as Sloth in Se7en (if you know, you know, if you don't, I envy you) the point is made. John begins to realise, vastly helped by the short cinematic presentation of Warwick's first 'dinner party,' that he is next. Soon to conga off this mortal coil. Deceased. Dead. An ex-dinner guest.


The Slight Glimmer of Hope

As the party is winding down, John becomes desperate, knowing that Warwick must be planning on killing him sometime soon, and so he hatches a plan. He challenges Warwick to a game of chess for his freedom. And wins. Right here, I expected Warwick to just kill him anyway, but he didn't. In fact, John tries to get revenge and stabs Warwick. But it doesn't take, and Warwick knocks John out again.


The Next Morning

John is dead. A massive slit across his throat, wounds over his face and a black eye. Warwick has dragged his corpse to the curb for collection with the morning rubbish. Only, John isn't dead.

Whilst everything up until now has been minor plot spoilers (and I've already left out an entire second plot, and one of the biggest twists) I do feel that it would be a much better idea for you to go and watch the film, and then come back and read the rest of this review, should you wish. I'm only saying, after reading the rest of this you're going to know pretty much everything that's not obvious with this film.

To aid this, there will be enough blank space here so you don't accidentally read any further.









































Ok, you have be warned, here goes.


So, all the dinner guests are figments of Warwick's imagination, something that becomes apparent from the first time they appear. Warwick is several sandwiches short of a picnic (understatement) and has actually done nothing to John, except a few light beatings and druggings, nothing serious if you're used to a night on the tiles up North. John wakes up at the curb, tries to get himself together and touches one of the scars. It's a prosthetic, they all are, and he rips them all off. The second plot I mentioned earlier, surrounding the robbery, only becomes relevant now. Warwick is a fucking detective, and not only that, he's working on John's case. Off Mr Crazy-Britches goes to his day job of trying to catch the man he'd spent the previous night abusing in his own home. Wonderful twist.

Meanwhile, John tries to find his girlfriend, who was in on the robbery with him, in order to get the hell outta dodge. Turns out, she'd double-crossed him and is trying to make a run for the border with all the cash. John stops her, and gets away scot-free.......because Warwick catches him, takes the money from John in exchange for his life, and then lets him go. None of this last act is even conceivable during the first two. I was utterly surprised.

So that's that, is it? Not quite. John had the foresight to consider he might get arrested and may even get the chance to expose Warwick for the monster he truly is. To this end, he sends one of Warwick's colleagues a Polaroid of Warwick and John sitting on Warwick's sofa, taken during the dinner party. After some silver tongue dancing from Warwick, he convinces his colleague that, for the good of their friendship, they should treat this matter in a more civil and amicable manner. He does this by inviting him to join a dinner party he's hosting that evening......



Roll credits.


What a brilliant film. I'm not usually one to be caught out by twists and such in films like these, but I really dropped the ball with this one. Not only did I characterise the film as being a "dark comedy with some elements of horror" to friends of mine after watching the trailer, but it took me probably a good hour to realise just how clever this film truly is. (here's the trailer, see for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S1dovoZ6bM)


It's not without it's faults, however. The use of steel drums and soft, gentle rock riffs as suspense music kind of breaks the atmosphere a tad, unless it was supposed to make me giggle, in which case point retracted. There is pretty much no explanation as to why Warwick is insane, or his motives for hosting these parties, other than a few seconds of snippy comments from his guests that I'm going to read massively into and use as an indication that they are all people from his life that hurt him in some way, or that he wished he could be like and that is why he hosts parties for them. But that's pure speculation.


I heartily recommend this to fans of....well, good films, really! The only way it could've made me happier would have been if Warwick had used my favorite Niles Crane quote:

"Niles never wins, Niles always loses, which is why Niles lives at the Shangri-La and drives a hatch-back!"

It's a thinker, it's got a touch of humour at the obscene juxtaposition of David Hyde Pierce and anything bloodier than a cheeky '88 Merlot, and it's reasonably well put together, considering the unknown director/writer. Do see it. And then try and watch Frasier in the same way, I dare you.

Skyrim

Sweet Jesus on a jet-ski, it's taken me a long while to compile my thoughts on this game into one rambling blog entry, but here we are; done at last.

Before getting into the emtional rollercoaster that is this review, I'm going to talk about something related first:

Hype


I speak of course of the months and months of speculation, conversation, and sometimes even masturbation, about a new upcoming game release. I've found that, with most things, hype is usually bigger than the release itself. Most of the time a film or game will be hyped ad nauseam until there is no acceptable outcome for the film or game in question than to be the biggest, most earth shatteringly spectacular creation to be hewn from code known to man.

Such was the case with Skyrim. Whilst I wasn't a fan of any of the other Elder Scrolls games, I quickly caught the Skyrim bug after seeing a few gameplay promos, YouTube vids and TV spots, showing what my good friend Ben observed to be "the best in-game representation of D&D" he'd ever seen. And, as my pre-order later that day would suggest, I agreed.

The competition, in the sense that it was released only a few days earlier, to Skyrim is Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. A fair few people might be of the opinion that these two games divide gamers into "either/or" camps, but this is not the case, thankfully. Whilst not a fan of Modern Warfare 3 myself, (ergo, I shan't be buying it) I know of many people who are planning on buying one, and then the other.

Lets talk statistics. Within the first 48 hours of retail MW3 sold 6.5 million units, that's enough for 1 in 10 people in the UK to own one. Skyrim sold 3.5 million units in the same time period. Each game retailed for anywhere between £25-£50, meaning that the vast majority of gamers would probably only be able to afford one or the other. This is where the claims of "rivalry" come from. Thankfully, Skyrim did well in sales (and continues to do so) and whilst I myself haven't enjoyed a CoD game since Modern Warfare 1 (I used to be an Admin for a PC clan no less), I bear no ill will to those who do enjoy it. Primarily because nobody can honk words like "n00b" and "super-saiyan-fagzilla" at me when I'm playing Skyrim.

What the sales figures of Skyrim prove is that the gaming consumers are still a varied and multi-genre enjoying market, and just because MW3 sold at obscene rates, doesn't mean that this is all the gaming industry should be churning out because it thinks that's all we want to consume. I am parroting the well respected and well informed views of one Mr Jim Sterling, Esq. of The Escapist's Jimquisition and Destructoid fame, in order to illustrate my point:

Bitches Love Jim's Chainsword and Shades Combo



Anyway. On with my review.


The Coming


11/11/11, the big day.
Having pre-ordered Skyrim on PC from Tesco.com for the low, low price of £26, I fully expected the game to arrive on 10/11/11 (because Tesco don't give a flying fuck about release dates) Hyper-excited about the game's arrival at precisely 11am, I back-flipped my way to my PC, carefully rammed the disc into my not-always-behaving drive and booted the executable, only to find......

Fuck you Steam.


Yeah, that's right, because this is a Steam activated game I had to wait until 12.01 the following morning to play, although the nice people from Steam did let me install all the files just to rub salt into the wound.


The Second Coming

So midnight rolled around, I pounded a pint of sugary tea and set about launching the game. What greeted me was wonderful. As with all Elder Scrolls games, so I'm told, Skyrim begins with you incarcerated for some vague crime against the ruling classes for which you are nearly beheaded:

Last time it was for shagging the Emperor's wife and daughter at the same time before playing a rock guitar solo on the desecrated corpse of God


Suddenly, dragons.

Very pretty dragons, as well.


And that's the intro really, to go any deeper into the story would take me even more time and effort than I've already spent on this review, so just fack orf and play the damn game. Go now, go with my blessing and promise you shall not be disappointed. Its like reading a several thousand page book, only instead of turning pages (or thumbing your Kindle) you hack apart creatures and sell anything that isn't nailed down to anyone with any bloody Septims left. From this point on-wards the game develops into a cross between a medium-to-severe narcotics addiction and The Lord Of The Rings, After Dark. Well, that was my experience anyway.

Let's get critical.


Visuals

Whilst I've already said the dragons look amazing, they kind of had to, what with being a major selling point and game feature. Other character models, creatures and enemies are beautifully composed. There are great levels of interaction between NPCs, creatures and the environment which they occupy. For example, there are Mammoths on the plains of Skyrim, being herded by Giants. These creatures are programmed to follow set behavior depending on what they are interacting with, be it each other, your character, or other NPCs and creatures. This behavior is adaptive and alters flawlessly in whatever environment the creatures find themselves. Even when the game bugs, and the mammoths begin to fly, they still wave their trunks around like they're sniffing flowers and such. In essence, I was very impressed with the way stuff I wasn't looking at, paying attention to or interacting with carried on being interesting, interacting with other objects and basically just being well made. Another example being, I dismounted my horse, ran over to pillage a chest I'd found and as I turned around I was greeted with this:

This is Shadowmere, my trusty steed, who fears no bears

My horse had decided it, being born of shadow and chaos, was bored chewing on grass, and found a bear to kill. And he did as well.


The environment itself suffers from Bethesdaism, which is in no way a bad thing. Players of previous Bethesda titles, such as Fallout 3, will be aware that in order to present the player with such a large and loading-screen free landscape to roam in, the graphics will not be the best around. This trade off is perfectly acceptable to me, and in most cases preferable to a more linear game trying to pass off being a sandbox by curtailing the players adventures with invisible walls, un-fordable rivers etc. That having been said, the game world certainly isn't ugly, by no stretch of the imagination.

Everything The Light Touches....



Longevity


A quick dip into this before the Gameplay section, as that's the main course.

In reference to my earlier point: SHOCKING! A GAME WITHOUT MULTIPLAYER SOLD WELL, D:

My first play through of Skyrim has taken me a grand total of 90 hours SO FAR, and I can predict at least another 20 to go. That works out at 24p per hour of gameplay. And that's all single player, kids. Not to mention I completely ignored magic with my first character, so my second is probably going to eat up another 50-80 hours.

This guy just doesn't have time for magic. Especially when an axe will do the same job


That having been said, I do think I'm going to leave Skyrim for a good few months now. Primarily because I know what happens, and to get the full enjoyment from a game like this discovering the story as you make progress is key. This is not a slight on the game, more a slight on my perpetual funemployment status.


Gameplay

Bear with me here, dear readers, as I attempt to be concise.....across five subsections.


Combat
My first contact with the Elder Scrolls series was a brief hour long stint of Oblivion on Xbox 360 a few years ago. I found there to be very little I enjoyed, and was particularly put off by first person meleé combat. This was my primary concern with Skyrim. Thankfully, improvements have been made. My character was a male Orc, specialising in two-handed, BAMF, battle axes, and so I can only review what I've experienced. Mostly, hitting things until they die and letting my heavy armour and high health absorbing all the damage in the process. Seemed to work most of the time. Because of my choice of weapon, I have barely any experience of using shields, blocking or any of the more devious methods of dispatching enemies in meleé, such as sneak attacks, poisons and the like, but from what I've heard they are all equally as well done and I look forward to using them all during subsequent play throughs.

Ranged combat centers around bows and spells, the latter of which I have limited experience with. Bows, on the other hand, are a favorite of mine. They are so well done in Skyrim that I have spent hours creeping around the countryside hunting deer, just for the hell of it. In first person the bow and arrow are across your field of vision, giving an accurate aiming system and indication of the strength of shot by how far back you draw. In third person the crosshairs becomes your aiming system and, whilst I vastly prefer first person, third person is most certainly useful when surrounded, or quick-firing at multiple enemies.

Needless to say, this didn't end well


There are five disciplines of magic in Skyrim: Conjuring, Alteration, Restoration, Destruction and Illusion, and for the most part it appears to be very easy to either play a general Mage, using spells from all classes, or a specific type of magic user, such as a Necromancer who raises the dead to fight for him, or a Summoner who calls various atronachs to deal elemental damage to their enemies. In essence, if you can think of a character or archetype from any WRPG game, or indeed film/TV show set in a similar world, you can streamline your play to become that character. I know of people playing as Legolas from The Lord Of The Rings and Havelock Vetinari from the Discworld Series, for example. There are even certain people who are managing to play as a pacifist, and still succeed with the main story quests!
(here's the link to a YouTube vid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2d2KRIUYCM)

You can even be a werewolf. A kick-ass, teeth'n'claws, blur of furry death


Shouts
By finding words of the dragon language, and then by killing dragons to absorb their souls, your character can learn to use Shouts to make use of a multitude of attacks or abilities, such as breathing fire, becoming invisible, changing the weather or sprinting through traps. I found the shouts, whilst integral to the main story, to be pretty mundane. I only used them as a last ditch attack if I was about to die, or in certain situations where you are required to use them. Some are pretty pointless, depending on what race you play as. For example, the Wood Elves can calm animals that attack them and turn them into allies, and there's a shout for that. They're there, and they have their place, but they're nothing special and don't really interest me much.


Quests
Within the game there are three types of quest: Story Quests, focusing around the return of the Dragons to Skyrim. Side Quests, given to you by the various factions present in Skyrim, such as the Mage's College, Thieves Guild, Dark Brotherhood of Assassins and the opposing sides of the Civil War. And Miscellaneous Quests, given to you by NPCs, by finding items, visiting areas etc, these are usually the least rewarding and least time consuming of the quest types, though some do have great rewards, and many can take surprising twists.

For example, I wandered into the town of Falkreath, and was given a quest by an NPC to find his missing dog. I was busy with other quests at the time so I ignored his request at first, but as I wandered around outside the town I came across his dog, Barbas. Who proceeded to talk to me. By the time I'd finished the quest he gave me I'd travelled about a third of the way across the map, slain a nest of vampires and been rewarded by the Daedric Prince of Wishes with this [-->], a Masque of +20% Prices, +10 Speech and +5% Magika Regeneration. This level of unknown depth to certain quests was very compelling.


Experience
What a splendid system of progressions Skyrim has. Truly brilliant. There are 18 different skills, from smithing and enchanting weapons, across the five magics, archery, sneaking, lockpick etc and at any time your character is rated from 1-100 in each skill. The more you use a particular skill, the closer to 100 that number becomes.

This is inspired, as it means, very simply, "the more you use, the better you get, the better you are" with each skill. This does mean its perfectly possible to farm certain skills to reach skill level 100, but that in itself is still a great idea. If you decide that your character should be the best weaponsmith next to Eorlund Gray-Mane in all of Skyrim, then you can be just that, providing you put in the effort to get there.



All smith and no play make Eorland dead inside

Once enough skills have been increased your character level increases, up to a cap of 75. With each character level comes the reward of a Perk Point. These Perk Points are used to unlock different bonuses or upgrades to alter how you use a skill or to further improve its affect on your character. For example, Perk Points can be used to increase the damage resistance of armour, the damage done by weapons, decrease the magika cost of spells or make locks easier to pick. Because of the level cap there are only a limited number of Perk Points available, and so you can never buy all the perks (although it is possible to have each skill at 100) This means, whilst there are no classes defined by skill level in Skyrim, there are those defined by Perks. Realistically, I found investing my Perk Points into only 3-5 skills enabled me to fully reap the benefits. With regards to the benefits of spreading your Perks out over a wider variety proving just as effective, I cannot say.

Yeah, I farmed smithing to make this set of Dragonplate Armour. Worth the 700 Iron Daggers I made.

There are flaws with this system, however. Especially for my character who, very early on, decided shields were a waste of his time and both his hands should be used for making things die of death. Because of his lifestyle choice, changing combat style proved difficult. Having spent so much time perfecting how to decapitate an enemy with his axe, he found wielding a bow, or a fireball spell, not as effective at removing limbs due entirely to the fact that he had not been removing limbs this way for the entire game up until this point. This made him very sad, and he decided to bug his way into the ground up to his waist and stay there even though there was a bear eating his face.

What my narrative illustrates is the one flaw with the experience system in Skyrim. Doing things until you're great at them is a good reward system, but as you progress your way through the game, increase in character level, the game and all its inhabitants level up with you. Should you choose to change combat style from meleé to magic, for example, your spells will be vastly underpowered and you may have trouble killing anything at all. This means that the further through the game you progress, the more streamlined you become, unless you attempt to kill each enemy with a different type of damage, in which case I suggest you making a bloody decision and just get on with it.


Dragons
As previously stated, they are beautiful beyond belief, but they are also incredibly well designed. Their interaction with the environment and with other characters as you strive to strike them down and harvest their souls is stunning. For example, this bad boy:

This scaly individual saw fit to attack me in Solitude, and as you can see is perched on the city walls seeing fit to demolish all who oppose it with torrents of fiery death. The dragon proceeded to NOT land, whilst burning buildings and various NPCs until I whipped out my bow and started shooting at it. Only then did its attention turn to me, and it landed in the courtyard and attacked me. This seems to be a pattern with dragon fights. A few strafing runs and hovering to blast fire and frosty death at you before landing. Landing has always proved to be their undoing, owing to the fact my character is a BAMF with a Two-Handed Legendary Daedric Battleaxe. which kills all dragons in 3 strikes. This illustrates that the dragon combat is fluid, depending on what environment you find yourself going toe to talon with one in, as well as what weapon you favour most. Dragons also provide a wonderful centerpiece for the main story, something I have found to be incredibly well written and paced. Plus dragons. I will say though, after killing 32 dragons to date, they have now become a nuisance. Primarily because they pose no threat to me and just end up getting in the way of whatever quest I'm on.


Conclusions
So then, if you've managed to read through all of that I suppose you're expecting some climatic conclusion, with proclamations of undying love for all who worked upon such a jewel of gaming? Well, mostly yes, those are my thoughts, but not ALL of them. In its entirety, this game is wonderful, at LEAST an 8/10 if I were Metacritic, but there are some flaws. These flaws, whilst not massively experience-altering, are there and I did notice them. All in all though, a very well made and well presented WRPG with enough scope for several hundred hours of gameplay, in a class of your own crafting. Plus Dragons. Do get it if you're a fan of anything Bethesda have ever made, RPGs in general, or dragons.





And Finally....
Its worth noting a game's success by retail figures, reviews and scores on websites such as Metacritic, but there are other ways to measure success. With Skyrim, memes are one such way. FunnyJunk, 4Chan and other sites are plagued with Skyrim-related hilarity these days, be it:

Or:

Or Even:

Not To Mention:

The fact that in just less than a month (at time of blogging) the game has integrated itself into internet-based culture surprisingly fast, and that is testament to its quality and the impact that it has had upon everyone who has played it.

Gone are the days of Shoop De Woop, now is the age of the Fus Ro Dah.

So say we all.

DC Universe Online

"OH GOD, it's an MMORPG. He's reviewing a MUMORPAGUH! It must be the endtimes!"

I know, I know, but bear with me here, Dear Reader, for I have a hard on for superheros.


Those of you versed in the study of patterns (we'll call it Patternology) will surely have seen this coming; I got this game through Steam. Those of you familiar with my current fiscal status might have seen this coming as well; I only started playing it after it became Free To Play. After a good eight hours of downloading at a constant 814Mb/s Steam kindly informed me that it had finished downloading. I most definitely wasn't perched, owl-like, on my chair watching those last percent trickle in with eyes wide in anticipation. Well, I was, so there's not much point avoiding the issue.

***FANBOY ALERT***


Sadly, I was not done. Even after 8 hours of downloading there was a further two hours spent running "fixtimestamps.exe" AND THEN four more hours of patching and updating necessary to play FTP. Eventually when I was allowed to play the game I'd spent a grand total of nearly fifteen hours obtaining I was instantly in love. (see previous Fanboy alert for all the reasons why you SHOULD NOT argue with me at this stage in the review, and kindly continue reading. Thank you for your time.)


Why "love?" Well, let me tell you. As a child, younger, smaller and less hairy than the man-child I find myself becoming these days, I was always a fan of everything superhero-y (ironically, except comic books) and I literally jumped a little in my seat when I saw DCUO was Free To Play. The jump was actually more of a hop, soon to become know as the Skyrim Hop, come 11-11-11. I was so thrilled to be given the chance to create a superhero of my own, and to experience playing as them in the same world as huge characters including Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Joker, Lex Luthor, Bane, Two Face, The Riddler, The Penguin and countless others, not to mention all the other budding superheroes and villains across the globe. Needless to say, I was somewhat excited.

My wonderful friend Matt, doing what I always wanted to.


Shifting this post into review mode, and we come to character creation. This follows a fairly simple set of categories that determine your hero or villain's abilities and, to an extent, story line progression. Obviously, male or female are the only two choices under Gender. Body Style is a loose term for male characters; "would you like The Boy Wonder, Average Joe, or Brick Shit House?" For female characters, sadly, there is no "deflate chest" slider. You're stuck looking like you're smuggling hams up your shirt, despite the obvious aerodynamic drag issues during flight.

Power Girl. Subtly not included.

Next is an option to choose how your character stands when you're not playing. That's all I can honestly see Personality applying to. Fair enough. Alright, here's an interesting bit; choosing your Mentor. Heroes choose from Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman, Villains from The Joker, Lex Luthor and Circe. This choice affects some part of the game I failed to reach (for reasons that become painfully clear later on but are apparently quite important. Next comes Power; choose from Fire, Ice, Gadgets, Mental, Nature and Sorcery Update: [and Light, like "In Brightest Day, In Crapest Movie" Light, if you have the DLC pack]. This determines what advanced powers you can unlock. For example, Ice power users can freeze targets solid, Mental can confuse enemies into attacking each other and Nature can steal health from enemies and heal allies, but these are just a few examples of some of the abilities each power unlocks.

Some men just want to watch the helpless patients in this hospital burn

Movement style seems to be fairly unimportant. Flight is the easiest to navigate the world with, and is the most common. Super Speed isn't the fastest, oddly, and acrobatics allows you to jump, flip and crab-walk around til your heart's content. I personally went with flight. Because it's flight. Seemed like a no brainer. Finally you choose your combat style. This had a much wider variety than I was expecting. The choices range from bows, duel swords, rifles, hammers, martial arts and hand blasts (which I chose). These determine your basic melee and ranged attack stats, DPS, AOE and all the usual acronyms. There are some combinations that made sense to me, for example Mental powers and hand blasts, but there is room for customisation and combination experimentation here til you black out from superherogsms. It is worth noting, for those of you with absolutely no creative talent, you can just select"Inspired By", and basically play as one of the well known heroes and villains. Yawn.

Costume comes next, colours, latex, capes and utility belts. The works. Too detailed to get into, suffice to say some really odd things can be created:

Suddenly, Fox People.


Some might say that's a large chunk of the review gone just on character creation, and they would be right. Anyway, onwards.

After a short introduction/tutorial level you are chucked out into the world as a whole, and instantly slapped across the face with the most generic and bland interpretation of "superhero mmo" Sony Online Entertainment could come up with. The world is deathly under developed, the missions are grind-y and mostly without story, and there are more dick bags than an under 15s game of CoD. I felt exactly as I do now, being a middle-class white male in his 20s, when wandering around a slightly dodgy neighbourhood, (i.e. fearing for my life an all my worldy possessions) except I was a fudging superhero, in a game, full of other superheroes. Trying to complete mission objectives in what always turns into a free for all brawl to get the collectibles was just dire. The only times I found myself enjoying the game was during the few end of mission sections where your character leaves the main world to continue alone in a building, usually culminating in a boss fight. My first was beating up Bane. I say beating up, I stayed at the back hurling barrels of acid whilst a poorer-looking-than-Arkham-Asylum Killer Croc chomped some Mexican rump. In a lighthouse of all places.

There are serious problems with visuals and gameplay, that much is clear. What about longevity? Well, since going Free To Play DCUO has become more overcrowded than Power Girl's bra, most of the time when I come to play I have to join a queue at least 6000 long. The wait is usually 20-30minutes. And even then the sheer weight of players causes the server to crash at least once an hour (credit where it's due, SOE are making things better) So no, there is no longevity to this game, at least until the world and his wife get bored of it. It makes me feel sorry for those who paid for it before the game became FTP.

.....And that's another thing!

MMOs. I know it's the 21st century and all that, and we're supposed to be understanding and accepting of others etc etc but I just don't get them. Why buy a game, and then agree to buy it again every month?! It baffles me. I think that might be one of the reasons I very quickly tired of DCUO, I'm not an MMO fan, and this seems to confirm my suspicions of most MMOs; that it all comes down to who's got the biggest, shiniest boots of +5 winning. A bit of a pet peeve, I spent a while making my character look the business, only to have him covered in useless tat just to upgrade his stats enough to not die:

Looks pretty swish, no?

Not too far off (Couldn't take new screenshot, server is down, surprise surprise)

[Update: Matt, a veteran, pointed out that you can hide the changes to your hero so none of the gear changes your appearence]


It comes down to this: from what I can tell, a very basic MMORPG game set in a world I adore. I can't even say if it's executed badly because I've nothing to compare it to! My recommendation would be as follows: If you're a fan of MMOs, avoid this because there are probably better ones out there. If you've never played an MMO before, go play anything else, it will be better than this big bag of disappointment, who's only job was to fill the time before Skyrim. And it even failed at that.

inFamous

inFamous. A game long recommended to me, and only recently acquired (well, borrowed really). Just yesterday I finished it for the second time through and was viciously denied my platinum trophy. Rage followed. And then the acceptance that I'll probably play it on Hard again just to get the last silver trophy, and then the platinum, obviously.

So then, inFamous is a sandbox superhero RPG game following the adventures of delivery boy Phillip J. Fry....I mean Cole MacGrath. The long and the short of it, Cole gets given superpowers by the object he was delivering; The Ray Sphere. These powers include, but are not limited to; lightning the sweet baby James out of everything in sight in a variety of ways.

The game is split into three island, GTA style, with each one being unlocked after finishing enough missions and a boss fight on the previous island. Each island is controlled by a different gang, all seizing the opportunity to take control after Empire City was quarantined following the Ray Sphere detonation. The Reapers control The Neon. They're a bunch of hoodies and drug dealers lead by the maniacal and ever ridiculously sensual-talking Sasha:

Not everything needs to sound like you're climaxing, dear.

The beginning of the game is mostly spent helping Cole figure out what the hell is going on, whilst either fighting to protect the local residents from The Reapers, or just taking what you can and ignoring the plight of the people. Yes, as the clever title "inFamous" suggests the "in" bit is optional, meaning ANOTHER BI-MODAL MORAL CHOICE GAME. Once Cole manages to figure out what the deuce is going on, and that some mysterious organisation called The First Sons are responsible for the blast, the story picks up somewhat, leading you across to the slums of The Warren, controlled by a vicious gang of......well, they're called The Trash Men. They're basically tramps and the homeless but with machine guns and odd spider-crabs made of rubbish, lead by this man, Aldus Snow:

Alden Tate; mental geriatric. Literally.

The Warrens, by far the largest and most enjoyable island in the game, progresses the story a fair bit and reveals all sorts of juicy bits that I'm not spoiling for you. Suffice to say, there is enough plot progression to catapult you to The Historic District, and onto the third gang. The First Sons themselves. Now these lovely gentlemen, all dressed up like Prince Harry at that birthday party, are utter bastards. Not only are their infantry supported by flying, invisible, grenade-launcher toting drones but also invisible, shotgun-wielding uber-troops. Oh, and watch out for all the mines.

At least it's free EXP for each one...

So it's clear that there's progression in both plot and difficulty from island to island. There is also progression in Cole's abilities. With the power being out in most of the areas of Empire City at the beginning of the game, and Cole will pass out without a regular hit of juice (licking batteries can only get you so far apparently), often missions involve you trawling the sewers for substations to power on and power up.
[Segue: who interlinks the sewage (water based) system with the city's electrical grid? Segue within segue: Cole explains his knowledge of the sewers by stating he "got into urban sports a few years back." When was the last time anyone went free running in sewage?!]
With each substation brought back online Cole gains a new power. They range from a whopping big thunder storm controlled pointlessly with the SIXAXIS, to lightening grenades and a violently useful energy absorbing shield. The powers are well balanced, with no single one being all dominating (although Megawatt Hammer is the boy) and each one is well suited to a different situation; your arsenal is full by the end and you certainly need all of them.

Problem, 50cal?

The moral choice effects your powers, as you can only upgrade them down one of the two karmic branches. Generally, Good goes for temporary incapacitation and energy and health regeneration as you do damage, whereas Evil goes for MOAR ASPLOSIONS PLEAZE. Evil is more fun, Good is arguable slightly easier to play as. But that's always the way, I find.

There is not a lot wrong with the game visually, its not too bland in colour, which is nice to see, and the comic-style cut-scene graphics are very pleasing. However, if I may refer you to the 2004 Spiderman 2 game for XBOX, PC and PS2, you can see the same city design, just not as polished. In fact, I could go on for a while drawing similarities between the two games, as inFamous is mostly just a revamp of that genre of superhero sandbox game that I loved. Combat visuals are standard, over the shoulder firing looks and feels accurate and the lightning effects leave nothing to be desired. I especially enjoyed them on my Evil play through, as after activating a certain object in the late stages of the game, it went from red with flecks of white to black with flecks of red. Uber Evil. We're talking The Emperor levels of dastardliness.

Longevity, well there are only really two play throughs to be had here, and I did find myself rushing the second one. If you start off Evil on normal, and then play again as Good on hard, you can get all the trophies (not accounting for screwy screwyness...) with ease. The most time consuming are the 350 collectibles (Blast Shards, they increase your energy reserves) dotted around the city, but they're not too hard to find. I hunted them down in my first play through and managed to get them all, but on my second play through I found myself with 310/350 without even trying. I mean, they glow, and you have a built in radar to show them on the mini map. Simples *makes meerkat noise.*

When it comes down to it, this is indeed a great game. I very much enjoyed the 25 or so hours that I spent playing it through twice and I would recommend it to fans of sandbox games, especially ones that include superpowers. I'm now on the look-out for inFamous 2 on the cheap, so the first one must have done something right!


Side note on moral choice games:
If they're going to feature morality, at least let there be more than God or The Devil. Some sort of middle ground would be nice, maybe Bob. Instead of having to be fully Evil or Good to unlock the best upgrades etc. Also, the choices involved are mostly so ridiculously, nearly comically divided into Evil and Good that it's often difficult to decide what, given that situation being reality, "would I do?" and I for one think that should be the point of moral choices in games.

Borderlands

WELL! Welly, welly, well-well. Borderlands it is then!

I first played this back in 2010 when my flat mate Ben came bounding up to me like a randy Labrador shouting something about "1 BILLION GUNS!" to which my skeptical reply of "Oh really?" lead to a good 8 solid hours of playing Co-Op. A few more long sessions and we'd finished the main story through, but with no audio. To be fair, Cage The Elephant is better than exploding heads as background music to a game, but that's by the by. When Steam decided to throw out 4 copies of Borderlands GOTY edition for £14.99 I was sold, gifting three copies to 3 friends of mine with the intent of co-op. They all abandoned me. I'm not bitter, honest.

Lets get down to it though, shall we?

Borderlands is a first person shooter/rpg of quite some scale. Think Fall Out 3 scale. But with less decent story and more "this is your mission, you can read this paragraph for the "story" behind it if you want, but its not compulsory." The protagonist can be one of 4 characters, each occupying a sort-of archetype in the shooter universe; the hunter (Mordecai), the soldier (Roland), the tank (Brick), and the....specialist? yeah lets go with that (Lilith). Each of the 4 characters has their own unique suggested play style. Now I say suggested because you don't really have to follow them. For example, my most recent (there have been 3) play through was as Mordecai, an expert in snipers, revolvers and all things high critical hit damage. All of his offensive upgrades are centered around rate of fire/critical hit damage/reload speed so you can be melon poppin' all day long. However, considering as I was playing alone, I figured eventually I'm going to be swarmed (by spiderants, its always bloody spiderants) so I'll invest some time in shotgun proficiency. In Borderlands, the more you use it, the better you get, simple as that. Levels of proficiency increase damage, rate of fire, reload speed and critical hit damage. Something that I enjoy, as it allows simple multi-classing.

With progression through the game skill points earned for each level up can be allocated into upgrades of various tiers and across three branches of the skill tree. Mordecai's, for example, has Rogue, Hunter and Gunslinger. Rogue focuses on Bloodwing upgrades (the hunter's action skill, a pet hawk that can be on fire/full of lightning/spit acid/explode, depending on what rock you strap to it. I'm serious) Hunter focuses on upgrades to sniper damage/accuracy and eventually 100% shield bypass with all weapons, and Gunslinger, as the name suggests, deals with pistol upgrades. There aren't enough points to upgrade everything so choice and consideration is paramount, especially early on when you can't afford to pay to have them reassigned too often. This means that, though all (and I mean ALL) of the missions eventually feel like grind, experience is proportional to your level, so there's never a need to hunt down herds of respawning enemies just to get that last 10% for a level up. Having said that instead of enjoying doing each mission it quickly becomes a case of activating as many as possible so you can work your way clockwise round the map doing them all. This is an immersion/story failure not a grind issue in my opinion. If I cared more about each mission things might have gone differently.

The leveling system is harsh. Biblical levels of harsh. 2 levels above you, especially in the early stages of the game, is enough to seriously trouble you. By the end of my second play through my character was level 62, and nothing was a bother at all, until I replayed one of the DLCs for a second time, and basic enemies were level 63 and 64. This means that there is rarely a stage, even in the end game, when you can waltz about an area and be reckless with tactics, this probably more so when playing as Mordecai who has the lowest health of the 4 characters.

So it would appear, so far, that we have a fairly generic shooter/rpg. Well, that is partly true, but then again I've yet to touch on the game's USP or Unique Selling Point. Remember Ben? Innocent, excitable Ben, with his love of a billion guns? Well he was, as usual, over-exaggerating. (He'll tell you he's owned a snake. He hasn't) According to the Official Borderlands forum the current standing is 17,750,000 different weapons. This was achieved in a surprisingly simple manner. "What manner?" I hear you say? No...none of you want to know? Well then skip the rest of this paragraph, and remain unfulfilled. There are a number of manufacturers of arms within the game. Each manufacturer produces 8 types of weapon (pistol, revolver, repeater, SMG, assault rifle, sniper rifle, rocket launcher) within each weapon type there are, at a guess, 5 different sub-types (e.g. assault rifles, "Rowdy Machine Guns" are high rate of fire, large clips whereas "Cobras" are very small clips with high damage). Within these sub-groups are the addition of scopes, elemental damage, higher level version etc etc Very quickly you can see how they reached 17,750,000. And, to be fair, when playing the game I probably used about 10% of what I found. Seems a bit of a waste really, but at least it means every chest you open could have the best gun in the game in it, and that has more appeal than even I've given it credit for. I say that, as now I've got the best sniper in the game I don't even bother opening them anymore, and there is something missing.

The humour, especially surrounding NPCs and bosses, is a gem in this game. From T.K. Baha, the one-legged, shotgun toting hermit to Marcus the Arms Dealer with his endless catchphrases.

Tarentino Style

Not to mention everyone's favorite, Scooter. This Appalachian son of a gun has some of the best lines, including:

"The Catch-a-Ride near Fyrestone is more busted than my momma's girl parts. Really appreciate you takin' a poke at that. The uh, system, not my mom. Hot dog down a Skag den, know what I'm sayin'?"

and

"Lucky's an old buddy of mine - and by old buddy I mean asshole that ruined my momma's girl parts. Sounds like he's in trouble so you go on ahead and try and keep him alive long enough so I can kill him at a later occasion."

Thankfully, he's back in Borderlands 2. Hopefully talking about his "Momma's girl parts" some more. If you know who his mother is (revealed in one of the DLCs) you'd want more.


Anyway, that's all just fluff. Here's the review-y bit of this post.

Gameplay. Well, as I've said, its good fun but eventually gets grind-tastic. Much much better with co-op, if you're going to get it I suggest on PC rather than console, 4 player steam co-op > 2 player local co-op. (I'm suggesting you play with people you actually know.) The 4 characters support each other well, each with a niche that is well defined and exploited by their skill point upgrades, and hopefully everyone should be able to find a character that suits them. I personally enjoy sniping and one shot kills, whereas others I know enjoy using Lilith's Phase Walk ability to nip around in between the enemies setting them on fire, or burning them with acid. There is certainly enough here to warrant playing at least some of the way through with each a character.

Which brings me onto longevity. Because there are only 4 characters, there is really only a limited number of times you could play through on your own. Unlike, continuing the comparison, Fallout 3, there is nearly no customisation, only prioritisation of of one skill over another as it isn't possible to fill every skill. There is, however, a very good chance that I'd happily play through as any of the characters were I to find 3 willing and reliable co-op players, so I shall term this as a game I will definitely revisit.

Visually.....well, it's cell shaded. And we all know that usually means "we ran out of money for shiny next-gen graphics.....uhhh, just Wind Waker-it guys." I personally like the look of Borderlands, and yes, they probably did prioritise things like entertaining gameplay, good physics and length of game over smearing it with the browns and greys of the usual palette these days. By being cell shaded, it lends itself to more creative design and colouring, something this game displays well.

The DLCs. Urgh.
Considering I bought the GOTY edition, and all 4 DCLs were included (The Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot, The Secret Armory of General Knoxx and Claptrap's New Robot Revolution) I very much wouldn't have minded if they had never been made. In a quick break down, Dr Ned's is basically the same game with an interesting Hallow'een twist, the Underdome is useless on every level as all it adds is 3 arenas of wave-based combat that don't give you experience and The Secret Armory takes the term "vehicle section" and goes all out on it with vehicles that are frustrating to begin with.

Moxxi, I hate you.



Claptrap's Revolution, however, is good. Its a continuation of the main story with a fairly climatic final battle, it brings back some old characters and introduces some new ones and is pretty much the same style of gameplay as the main game. Its the only DLC worth having.

Overall, most definitely worth a few quid to enjoy. I would dissuade most RPG fans, as there really isn't enough of that to warrant your attention, unless you're looking for a little respite from your Oblivion Kingdom of +5 Grind to the Palace of Borderlands Excellence +10 enjoyment. Fans of hard core shooters like Gears, or Resistance for example, probably would enjoy this as a change of pace. Fans of CoD (post MW1) can, as usual, jump up their collective arse and die.

Shogun 2: Total War & The Total War Series

The Total War series have long been one of my favorite series of games, I'm quite the fanboy. This love has come from a general love of 3 things: the turn-based RTS sub-genre, big fucking battles and empire building. My obsession began with the third game in the Total War series, the much loved Rome: Total War. In my opinion Rome is as near as damnit perfect as a wide-scale empire building, barbarian-murdering, power-trip game. I mean, you get to be Emperor of the god damn Roman world. Spread your chosen faction's colour and religion over the entire known world, from Spain and Morocco in the West, to Mesopotamia and Armenia in the East and as far north as......Yorkshire. The two previous games to Rome, Shogun 1 and Medieval Total War, I have not played for more than 5 minutes at a time. I think I probably would've very much enjoyed them had I found them earlier than the beginnings of my torrid love affair with Rome. However, graphical restraints being what they were back in 2000 and 2002 respectively, when playing them after becoming addicted to Rome, I found them very much lacking any appeal visually.

Anyway, away from the series as a whole and onto the newest offering from Creative Assembly, Shogun 2: Total War.

Nope, sorry, not yet, you've read my praise for the series and now like the stale cone after a delicious summer ice cream, you're going to have to read my gripes and complaints about the only mold on the Total War Loaf of Success. I speak of course of Empire Total War.

After knocking out Medieval 2 and its expansions, a reasonably enjoyable and well made sequel to Medieval 1 which i did indeed play lots and enjoy....somewhat, the next out of the Total War mixing pot was Empire. This game still exhibits the bare bones of a Total War game, in so much that it is a turn based strategy game covering entire continents with various factions and armies, but completely screwed the pooch when it came down to the details, or more importantly, the unique selling points. The setting for Empire ranges from the colonisation of the Americans, the subjugation of the Indian sub-continent and (with the addition of the expansion DLC) the Napoleonic Wars. This presented two distinct changes from previous Total War games, one handled very well and the other a complete flop.

Naval combat on the battle map, the first instance of such a thing in the Total War series, was stunning. Huge fleets of gargantuan ships, bristling with cannon and battle hardened marines ready to die for King and Country clashing with the powdered wig-wearing, fake beauty spot-sporting, poor excuses for fleets of the other European nations was done to perfection. The ability to sail a British fleet from Portsmouth, across the Atlantic to Maryland, dock for repairs and then go hunting Spanish gold galleons in the Caribbean waters was enjoyable to say the least. But adding in the ability to *actually* capture such ships and either ransom them back to the Spanish or keep them for yourself was sheer brilliance. As you might have guessed, I was quite the fan of the high seas.

The flop to which I referred, comes in the form of EVERY LAND BATTLE. With the progression of technology, specifically the invention and mass production of firearms, the Total War style of battle changed completely. Which is indeed in keeping with the change in the actual battle strategy of the time, don't misunderstand me, the battles in Empire are very much accurate for the time. Huge hulking cannons firing over the heads of neatly arranged lines of Red Coats, flanked by masses of Dragoons and Light Cavalry, it all fits with my impression of what warfare would've been like back then. But it's just not Total War. Or at least, the Total War I enjoyed so much in Rome and to a lesser extent in Medieval 2. There are no thunderous cavalry charges to break enemy lines, no screaming hoards of axe-wielding barbarians charging down on a few well trained soldiers who must do their best to defend the realm. Its line firing. And that is boring. The appealing part of Total War games is now boring. And that is my biggest complaint.

Which is why, when I purchased Shogun 2 Total War 2 weeks ago I nearly back-flipped with joy, a move that Jack Donaghy will tell you is 90% mental. It is a thunderous return to Total War form. Something which has to be said is due to the change of theatre. 1500-1600 feudal Japan features the same style and tactics of battle that can be seen in European wars from 500BC to the beginning of the Renaissance. Big armies of samurai, supported by peasant ashigaru units and shock cavalry laying siege to castles, battling across a wide spread of terrain. Oh it gives me shivers, it IS a proper Total War game but with all the good bits (not previously mentioned) from Empire and none of the bad bits (previously mentioned at length). Anyway, less of the nergasms and more of the review.

Shogun features a total of 8 playable factions all vying for total control of Japan by marching into Kyoto and declaring their Daiymo to be the true Shogun of Japan, exactly the same as Rome...just in Japan. These factions all have exactly the same units, buildings, research available to them, the difference between each faction lies on their initial starting locations on the campaign map and their initial reputation among the other clans (diplomacy and honour is pushed quite a lot in Shogun 2). There are also different faction strengths, but they're so negligible that they're not really worth paying attention to. There's a katana clan, a bow clan, a ship clan, a siege weapons clan, basically a clan for every aspect of the game but when it all comes down to it they never really make any difference, so long as you are competent at the game you can either over come and compensate for the clan trait or ignore it all together, such is the case with the Monk Clan..... For example, the Chosokabe clan have superior archers, the Shimazu superior katana infantry. In a clash between the two a skilled general will use their clan advantage to negate the enemy's advantage. With the purchase of one of the DLCs a unique unit for each clan is added. This unit will be the epitome of that clan's unique trait. For example the Chosokabe have an archer unit that has a massively increase range.

I mentioned diplomacy being more important in Shogun 2. Clan honour is paramount if your faction is to survive. In order to fund a vast army income is needed and trade is an invaluable source of income. If your clan is of low honour pretty much no one will trade with you, let alone form alliances, so learning this aspect of gameplay early on is vital. Research is also still knocking around, only this time THANK THE MOUNTAIN MONKEY it's different from Empire. If you've played Empire you'll know what I'm taking about. Violently long periods of time spent researching bugger all just to get to that one important upgrade for your bayonets. Thankfully, in Shogun there are two trees, Bushido (military) and Chi (civilian). Each is a true research tree, with subsequent research building on previous to compound upgrades. Unlike Empire you can start from the first turn, and there are many ways to improve the speed of research from building libraries, to recruiting and upgrading monks or missionaries to dealing with important clan decisions which provide temporary bonuses to research or income etc

Visually the recent Total War games have not failed to provide stunning terrain and unit detail and Shogun 2 keeps up the standard. Water, being a good test of graphical quality in my opinion, is just as good, if not better than Empire. Unit detail and differences from man to man within a unit have been vastly improved since the days of Rome when every barbarian hoard genuinely looked like Genghis Khan had fathered every single one of them. All melee combat that takes place has been programmed using point-point motion capture from professional martial artists familiar and trained in the weaponry of the times, a little touch that probably cost a fair bit, but makes me feel a helluva lot better knowing that since the buy-out by Sega back in 2005 the attention to detail and general care taken over a game hasn't diminished.

Overall, a stunning return to true Total War form. I am addicted to it currently, having played 56 hours since purchasing it less than two weeks ago. If you enjoyed Rome, Shogun 1 or Medieval 1 or 2 then this will be right up your street. It appeals to everything from those games that I enjoyed. Conversely, if you were a fan of Empire (I suggest you contact your local health adviser, or come to me and I'll hit you with a trout) you will also enjoy lots of Shogun 2. If you were a fan of Empire but don't enjoy Shogun 2 then may I suggest you try and do your taxes at the same time as playing, for that warm and familiar feeling of over-complication.


A secondary point to be made connected to Shogun 2: Steam. We all love it, and if you aren't aware of it then I strongly suggest you find out about it. Being fiscally challenged at current, I find it hard to justify ~£40 for a new game, which is why I've only managed to get my hands on Shogun 2 recently due to there being a 50% off Steam sale. Steam appears to be a perfect company not to mention a perfect business idea. Steam buys a digital copy of a mainstream game, lets use Shogun 2 as an example. Now, Steam pays Sega a certain amount of money to be able to sell copies of their game. No actual, physical disc is produced, just money. Lots and lots of money. Considering that a random number generator could be used to make legitimate CD Keys, this appears to be a legal way of printing money. Its not just good news for Steam, because thankfully they appear to have human souls and see fit to pass on their success to us, the lowly customer, in the form of slashed prices. I very much see digital copies being the only form of game distribution in the future, possibly for all media as things like the PlayStation Store and Netflix are doing a similar job in other areas of the Nerd Market.

Dead Nation

[Thank the gods, and Ryan Cleary, I got this game for free from Sony to say sorry for them losing my credit card detail that I hadn't even linked to my PSN account or anything! Total Win-Win situation ladies and gents.]

Well then, zombie games seem to be all the rage these days, and I for one, am not fine with this. However, so long as it detracts from the ever-growing need to find "Halo killers" or "CoD killers" I'm happy to leave the rotting corpses be. However, this is no ordinary zombie game. This is not waves of Nazi zombies. This is not a mall full of eager double-ended chainsaw-victims. This is not even a football match, Mr Piercy. This is a fantastic, highly enjoyable nearly top-down, third person shooter that, whilst not revolutionary, is by far the best zombie game I have ever played. I am discounting Tripwire Interactive's godly "Killing Floor" because its all multiplayer and a proper game would have to feature a single player portion to qualify for my comparison. "Killing Floor" also rocks, of that there is no doubt.

So lets break it down, Thriller style. And by that i mean in perfectly choreographed synchronicity with a dead pop star.


The plot of Dead Nation focuses around Mr Protagonist, if you're playing single player, or Mr and Mrs Protagonist, if you've dragged the local MP gimp out of the attic for a quick bash through. Standard zombie story line, some infection turns everyone into zombies, you are immune and alone fighting to survive, squishing the faces of those whom you used to share a brewski and a slice with as you try and carve a path through the horde to.....well, for a while there I didn't really know where we were going, it just seemed like Captain Anonymous had some anger issues to work out. Soon enough though mysterious radio signals and evil scientists turn up and we're right back in that warm'n'comfy arse-grove on the sofa that is a standard zombie story line.

With the faff of pretending there's a story aside, the real juicy bits. Gameplay, visuals and replay value.

Throwing you right into a horde of zombies atop your roof, the gameplay is easy to learn but hard to master. Completely ignoring the right thumb-buttons (square, triangle etc) frees up the right thumb to use the right analogue stick for dedicated 360 degree aim. Combined with a lovely, long laser sight (available on all weapons for the low, low price of $50000) makes aiming a breeze. Trigger buttons are used for firing (R1), items like grenades etc (L1), sprint (L2) and melee (R2) May I just say thank The Guardians of Ga'hoole melee wasn't R3 or L3 because the number of games doing that these days will break my controllers)

The game breaks down into 10 levels, and features a variety of zombies. The standard Zed, the exploding zed, the uber-melee zed etc but a lovely touch which I really didn't expect is the variety seen in the "standard Zed" enemies. In a hoard of about 50 Zeds you can expect to find at least 10 different kinds of standard Zed. For example, soldiers take 2 head shots to kill due to their army helmets, firemen are immune to fire, policemen sometimes carry pistols and office workers come rushing you a'swinging their attaché cases for extra melee damage like Bill from Cubicle 3 beat them in sales for the 23rd quarter in a row and they just can't go home to Marie and look her in the eyes anymore. Another touch of simplicity and brilliance; fat = health, so the larger the jiggly body of rotting flesh the more health the standard Zed has.

Weapons. Well, well, well. Weapons indeed. There is a good selection. There are cool ones. There are effective ones. But few are both cool and effective. The standard single shot rifle, which comes with unlimited ammo, once fully upgraded, is pretty much all you need until you get swarmed. There are a few pretty useless ones, like the SMG, tesla cannon and blade cannon (also, very, very cool but limited ammo/rate of fire/reload time = waste of $100000 in my opinion) but as with all zombie games the flamer and shotgun are always handy. Items are useful, varied and smart to boot. Molotovs, when thrown create a rectangle of fire which, so long as its in the general area of two pieces of terrain, will align itself to form a firewall between them for maximum toasty-zeds. Grenades and mines attract zombies to them before they explode, and once mines are fully upgraded they explode five times and are devastating, and nearly game breaking if you weren't limited to carrying just 4.


Visually, there's not a lot to complain about really. Because the player is so removed from the blood-splattering action detail isn't an issue at all. The game does look nice, but its not groundbreakingly beautiful. It'll do, and it has no flaws really. The upside of not being processor-meltingly shiny is the sheer volume of the living impaired that can "be all up in yo face, noshin' on yo jubblies" at once is ridiculously high at times. So much so that it has actually caused my PS3 to lag on occasion, something MGS4 didn't manage. This, however, entertained me for more than half an hour and didn't take a year to install. Unlike MGS4.


Replay value? I say that with an inflection of question because, for once, this isn't a wave-based zombie game, there isn't any Hidden Director bollocks that supposedly makes every play of a level different or such nonsense, so I'm unsure as to how many people will happily play the game through, all 10 levels, and then want to sit down and do it all again. I mean, I of course shall be doing this. There are trophies for finishing it on 4 different difficulties. That's all the incentive I need, being a trophy whore and all. This is not to say the game loses all value when you finish it, it certainly doesn't make a quick MP play through any less fun, only that I slightly doubt everyone who finishes it will be bothered to do so 3 more times. There is also an online MP option, but judging by the international online ranking based on percentage of game complete and number of zombies killed you either have to be Japanese, Polish or from the Oman to even compete with most of the zombie-hunters out there. Interestingly enough, ranked just one place above the US was a country listed as "Unknown." I would assume this to be the crew of the International Space Station, or penguins in Antarctica. Either way they're better at it than the Yanks.


The overview then; would I recommend this to someone? Yes. Would I recommend this to a non-zombie game fan? Yes, its a shining jewel in the sea of filth that has become the zombie plague on gaming of late. (I'm looking at you Rock Star International. Why!? Why did you have to desecrate John Marston's corpse for that pile of balls?!) Would I have payed money for this had I not got it free? No, probably not, and I would have really missed out.