If I Were A Pirate...

I must begin by stating, with the exception of this disclaimer, the content of this post is directly quoted from a friend of mine, I added the images for lols. We shall call him 'Mr E' (Mystery, geddit?).

So, I've been a pirate pretty much constantly since I was desperate to have my own copy of Hitman: Blood Money, which I had failed to finish at a friend's house back in 2006. After torrenting 4 different copies of the Spanish demo, I finally got the hang of spotting a decent torrent from a virus-filled pile of troll, mounting and burning iso files and cracking the installs. Since then I've probably downloaded thousands of episodes of TV shows, films, albums and games. By far the biggest contributor to those numbers has to be TV. The regular shows I'm addicted to that only air in the US; House, Boardwalk Empire, 30 Rock, Californication etc. as well as entire back-catalogues of TV shows such as Lost, Frasier and the Star Trek series.

Some Films Just Repel Money


The films that I download are nearly always the newest DVD releases, usually US rips, which means I can watch them a full few months before the DVD is released in the UK. On occasion, I'll have a craving for a certain film, or as I've been doing recently with Nicolas Cage, torrent every reputable film an actor/director has done in order to binge. Some people justify their torrenting by saying they only torrent "bad movies" that they wouldn't pay to see in the cinema. What they're really saying is "I want to see this, but I don't want you to see me seeing it. Unless it's ironically."

I used to torrent every game I could, the last successful torrent being the point-click Jurassic Park game late last year, but before that there is a yawning gap all the way back to Dawn of War II in 2009. I do not torrent games anymore.

The same goes for music, I tend to either buy physical albums from the bands I adore because I enjoy having an actual copy, usually special edition copies. Sometimes I might hear a song I don't recognise and torrent the album just to listen. If I like it, I keep it and listen a lot. If I don't, it falls into the near-endless bucket that is my iTunes library where I get no enjoyment from it.

So that was me, Pirate King, and my torrenting activities circa 2006-2011. So what's changed? Well, I've been repeatedly enlightened by the wonderful and truly insightful Jim Sterling. He has, with his recent Jimquisition mini-series on Pirating (hosted on The Escapist, check it out), altered my perspective on pirating. I used to be of the mindset that "if it's free, why not?" However, with my new enlightened outlook on the subject, I am disavowing as much torrenting as I can in favour of the On-Demand Revolution.


Here's my piracy situation at present:

--> I barely torrent music anymore, I've bought more CDs in the last year than I have in the last 5

--> I do NOT torrent games anymore, specifically because of Steam (more on that later)

--> I do still torrent some films, but that will change soon

--> I still do and will continue to torrent those regular US-shown TV shows.


And here's why I've changed:


On-Demand is the hot stuff.

I'm sure most people have seen, via Facebook, a few of their friends start a 1 Month free trial with Netflix recently. I signed myself up as well. Now, whilst Netflix UK is only offering a very limited (mostly Bollywood) supply of movies to stream for only £6 a month, the idea really hit home with me. Yes, it's been around for ages, along with it's chief competitors Amazon On-Demand, Hulu, SkyGo, iTunes etc, but I'd never given it much attention because, frankly, it wanted my money and torrenting didn't.

But £6 a month....for all the reasonably new (as well as lots of classic) films and TV shows you could want to watch, streamed straight to your PC or PS3, XBOX, Wii or even your smartphone. That's far too good to ignore.

Currently, Netflix has a dire selection due to licencing issues, but that is set to improve. The other companies I mentioned offer a similar service, however I have yet to explore any of these alternatives. The important point, the revolutionary point, is the business model. It is, as I understand it, thus: Netflix buys a TV show or film from the studios, and distributes it as many times as demand calls for, without expending our planet's natural resources to press and distribute discs. Each member pays a flat rate, so the more members the more Netflix has to spend on procuring more content. It can only get bigger and better. In my mind, the entire company is effectively some servers, a Purchasing department and a PR department. And it's the bloody future.

The same model has been seen for years, iTunes has done exactly the same for the music industry. Since the iTunes Store became the nearly-endless pit of music that it is today music piracy has plummeted, mine included. Now, whilst I don't use the iTunes store, I am a big fan of it. Selling music, games, apps and even films and TV episodes to anyone, regardless of whether they own an 'i' product.

Steam is the exact same model, but for gaming. A digital store which functions by spending money acquiring games, and then selling them endlessly as demand dictates. It has completely removed my desire to torrent ANY game, especially indie games like The Binding of Isaac. I picked this great game up on Steam for £1.85, barely the price of a pint. Why quibble that amount of money? If you say you can't afford to pay that to a bunch of indie developers making such wonderful products and torrent it instead, then what business do you have owning a PC? Surely the several hundred pounds of PC you're reading this on could be better spent elsewhere. £1.85 is so little money I even felt bad after playing the same for nearly 20 hours; I wanted to buy it again, just to give the developers some more money. So I bought it for a friend instead.


Some of you might be thinking why I, currently unemployed and penniless, would be willing to ignore the free option for the paid. The simple answer is convenience. Steam, iTunes, Netflix, they all provide the content for much less than a high street shop, and they do it instantly. Granted, your internet connection might affect that somewhat, but you can't argue with 25% off the RRP of new game titles such as Skyrim and Modern Warfare 3. Or an entire new album for £7.99. Or an entire month of TV and film for £6.

This is a ridiculous thing for people to be ignoring, and why I feel a tad ashamed that I've continued to torrent when services such as this are so readily available. I strongly suggest you head to Netflix and take advantage of their free month trial, just remember they'll begin to charge you automatically after 30 days (though, you can sign up, then cancel the same day, and still use it for the next 30 days). Similarly, if you're a PC gamer and you don't have Steam....well, I can't really believe you exist so I shan't patronise you. And everyone knows about iTunes. [I would post links, but let's face it, we're the Google Generation, do it yourself]


So it would appear that the industry has ever base covered then. Not entirely. There is still the matter of international On-Demand services. Currently, the BBC, ITV, Channel 4 and Five all have on-demand services, but they're not available outside of the UK because of licencing issues; stupid, backwards licencing issues. (Example: did you ever watch live TV at uni on your laptop without a TV licence? Congratulations on breaking the law, I know I did!) The US has similar on-demand services, Hulu, Amazon and iTunes to name a few. The problem, for me at least, is with the lack of international legality. I can't watch The Big Bang Theory legally in the UK without waiting an arbitrary number of weeks for it to be shown on E4, and some shows like House, just don't get shown in the UK, unless you wait 2-3 years and are watching Five during the mid afternoon because you're unemployed.

It seems to me that there is a gaping hole in the market for a company or companies to bridge the gap, legally. Torrenting has been doing it illegally for years now, with my full support. Because of the vast differences between the TV industry in the US and in the UK there is very little compatibility. Were a company such as Netflix to bridge this gap, possibly by charging their members an extra few pounds a month, they could bounce shows from the UK to the US and vice versa. Surprisingly it truly is a two-way street, something that was made very clear by the latest instalment of the BBC series Sherlock. Many Americans enjoy this show, and I'm sure quite a few had to resort to less than legal means in order to watch it.

My take-home message is this; stop torrenting if you have the means to procure your entertainment in a legal fashion. It's always your consumer responsibility to seek out the best deals, but free is not the best deal because of complex economics and pie charts regarding money flow and something called 'synergising backward overflow.' If you haven't got the means to take advantage of these cheaper-than-crotch-shots services, then sell your PC and feed your family.

If you continue to torrent for whatever reason, I'm not judging you in the slightest, but do try to ween yourself off them. Nobody wants the feds breaking down your door at 3am to seize your all-MLP hard drive and count the number of episodes you've watched. Each one takes a year off your life, so I've heard....


Oh, and yes, we all would:

Star Trek Online

Guess what? Another MMO went Free-To-Play on Steam at the beginning of February. Naturally, I jumped at the chance to squeeze into a Lycra bodysuit, pin on a comm badge and holster my phaser.

MMOs as a concept, baffle me. Something that I touched on in my DC Universe Online review. The idea of buying a game, and then continuing to buy the ability to play it just doesn't make even a modicum of sense to me. Clearly, I'm in the minority, judging by the sheer gargantuan success of MMOs including World Of Warcraft, EVE, Everquest etc. Therefore I shall be putting my prejudices aside for the time being.

Developed by Cryptic Studios (City of Heroes/Villains), using their Cryptic Engine, Star Trek Online is set during the 25th century - a turbulent time in the Alpha Quadrant, some years after the events of Star Trek: Nemesis. The Federation and Klingon Empire are at war. Threat from the Romulan Star Empire, the Borg Collective, Hirogen hunters and many other smaller enemy factions are ever-present. Not to mention that the shape-shifting Udine (formerly Species 8472) are larking about impersonating high-ranking members of every faction's military, causing the breakdown of all hopes for a diplomatic solution.

How much? Oh I get it free during the game? Lovely.

It is into this world that you are thrown. As a low ranking Star Fleet officer you are given command of a star-ship, as the Fleet needs every available ship on the front lines. You are issued missions from various NPCs across the map, in standard MMO style. Some missions progress the main story line, which has been divided into handy 'episodes' used to help track your progress through the story and even be replayed at leisure. Other NPCs chuck out the standard, monotonous fetch quests etc that all MMOs have for resource collection/experience farming. These, I ignore. There are also PVP queues that can be accessed from any common area, but owing to the structure of the game (to be discussed later) they're barely worth any attention.

Even this doesn't do it justice.

Pretty standard MMO stuff then. The interesting aspects of Star Trek Online, as with all MMOs, comes from character creation and combat.

Character Creation

The first choice to make is career path. Are you a Spock, McKoy, Kirk or Wesley Crusher? The three paths, Tactical (Red), Engineering (Yellow) and Science (Blue) will be fairly familiar to many MMO players. Tactical focuses on combat buffs and aggressive abilities in order to ramp their DPS, Engineering focuses on support powers such as fabrication of turrets and shield generators, and Science officers provide healing and crowd control abilities. I chose Engineer.

Next, you are asked to choose your Race. Human, Trill, Bajoran, Vulcan, there are many to choose from. You are also presented with the opportunity to create your own entire species, from physical attributes to four specific character perks. I chose this option. I saw no reason to not indulge in every part of customisation, even down to the colour of my character's eyes and nails. Because I can. And that level of customisation, of sculpting an avatar into a being you created and you own, is what I love most about RPG games.

Spines? Yes please, two rows.

With my character styled to out-the-arse levels of detail, I was thrown right into the tutorial (narrated by the wonderful Zachery Quinto I might add) which leads you through a ground combat section, teaching you the basics. More on that later. Upon completion of the tutorial, and a few other sections of story progressing and 'go-here/press-this' mission etc. you are commissioned as a Captain, and given your own ship.

Here's the second level of character creation. There are three classes of ships; Cruisers, which are general warships set up to be balance between speed, damage and survivability, Escorts, smaller and faster than Cruisers, with more fire power but weaker shields, and Science Ships, with high shield strength but weaker hulls, focusing on abilities. Each one of these ship classes reflects the character classes, but does not mean all Science Officers only do well in Science Ships, as your own abilities have little effect on space combat. I picked Escort and stuck with it through the ranks, however it is easy to swap from one class to the other when you receive a free ship token from the Admiral upon reaching rank 10, 20, 30 etc.

Here's mine, she'll do 0.5 past light speed.

A word on the levelling system. It's simple enough to grind, easy enough to level without grinding and great for streamlining your class by choosing different upgrades. By assigning low ranking members of your crew to carry out missions on-board or elsewhere in the sector you can generate resources and XP without even playing the game, as they carry out these missions in real time.

From this point onwards everything is down to you and your character. As I've stated, there are story missions, daily missions and the PVP/PVE arenas to fight in. The stars are the limit.

Space Combat

Holy woah.

Do you remember watching any of the Star Trek series or movies and wishing you could be in the captain's chair, barking orders at your bearded First Officer to 'engage evasive manoeuvre Alpha Epsilon 3 on your mark?' Well, Star Trek Online pretty much has that to a tee. Space combat is great. The encounters are all within fully 3D maps, allowing for everything you could think to do with your Star Ship. Cloaking, tractor beams, evasive manoeuvres, torpedo spreads, tachyon beams, boarding parties, they're all incorporated somehow. I would liken it to Star Trek Legacy, because that's what it is, but with a ton of extra abilities and tactics thrown in to expand the opportunities in each battle. Also, it's Archer free!

Least threatening pirate queen ever.

Two examples of how you can engage in space combat. I am currently Level 32, using a Defiant class (the one from Deep Space 9, also Worf has one. Photo below) which is an Escort rammed to the bulkheads with narrow firing arc/high damage cannons and not a lot else. Generally my tactic is to come at an enemy, usually a Romulan D'Deridex at present, with all power to weapons, forward shields at max and all offensive abilities activated (increased rate of fire, damage, area of effect). When in range a tacyhon beam depletes their facing shields, my cannons hammer down the rest and expose the hull. At this point I activate my tractor beam, to hold them in place and deal light damage over time, as I come about and fire a full spread from my aft torpedo launcher, striking massive damage against their hull.

This is Worf. Worf is displeased.

One of my fellow captains chooses a different, but equally effective approach. He is currently in command of an Excalibur class Cruiser, fore and aft torpedoes, several phaser banks, but not as nimble. Because of the firing arc of phaser banks, there is one specific way to broadside an enemy where both fore and aft banks overlap and can deal near continual punishment to shields. Once his enemy's shields are down, a quick turn and a few torpedo spreads is all it takes to finish them off.

U.S.S. Akkan. Does not play well with others.

Both of these tactics have Star Trek written all over them. I can recall scenes in films and episodes where nearly all of those manoeuvres have been done, which is what makes them all the more satisfying to do in game!

Space combat demonstrates that the three ship classes clearly occupy the same character types as the three Character classes. Escorts are focused damage dealers, Cruisers can take the punishment and manage threat control whilst Science Ships heal allies, cripple enemy movements and bolster allied weapons.

I love this more than Ensign Crusher loves stupid jumpers.

Your space combat abilities come from a wonderful system of Bridge Officers (or BOFFs). Each ship has slots for Tactical, Engineering and Science BOFFs, with each class of ship favouring one over the other two in numbers. My Escort has two tactical, one engineering and one science. These BOFFs are recruited or bought during the game and serve as your bridge crew during space combat. They are also able to accompany you on ground missions by joining your away team. As you progress in rank you increase the number of BOFFs you can have at any time. When completing missions, destroying enemies and achieving certain objectives you earn XP for your own progression but also BOFFXP, which is used to increase the abilities of your BOFFs. Once you have spent a sufficient amount of BOFFXP on an officer, you can choose to spend resources to promote them. When promoted, a BOFF gains access to the next tier of abilities, both space and ground. This added an element of loyalty and a real essence of being a proper Star Fleet crew.

Ground Combat

Ever played Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic 2? Well, ground combat is like that on a quality-free diet. It has limited FPS appeal, awkward ability cooldowns, over-zealous AI that want's you and ONLY YOU dead RIGHT NOW, despite being out numbered 5-to-1 and having all four of my away team shooting the crap out of it. For me, it's mostly a case of "Fine, STO, I will do your 9000th corridor rail shooter-esque away team mission, so long as you let me back into space in the next ten minutes."

Flee! Flee from my poorly-executed combat mechanics!....Or don't.

Sometimes the non-combat ground sections are just awful. For example, I went back in time to stop the Devidians from stealing a meteor (I think...I blew it up, close enough). I met Bones, and he was a dick. The guy made me do the most ridiculous fetch quest. First, I had to find a Barmaid, then she told me to go talk to Bones again. So back I went, across the map, to find him. He then told me I needed to make a Nerve Tonic to calm the Barmaid's nerves so she would tell me what transpired before my away team and I arrived. Back I go to the Barmaid to give her a Nerve Tonic, which I didn't have, and she directs me to the Bar. Here, I am presented with five tiers of choices regarding the composition of said Tonic. Not a clue. Not a bloody clue. So I made one, gave it to the Barmaid, bitch doesn't like honey. Well fuck. Space bees make shit honey, apparently. So back I trotted to Bones who proceeded to tell me everything the Barmaid liked about drinks. And I mean everything. I had to start taking notes to get it all down. Eventually I sort of had an idea of what she would want, so I went back to the Bar to make the drink. Needless to say, she didn't like it. I had to repeat the note-taking exercise four times. I wanted to kill Bones.

Even the Ghost-Busting missions didn't make up for it.

PVP Combat

Don't even bother. The Federation-on-Federation training exercises are barely running, due to lack of interest, and when they are there's always some uber-rank with a plasma mini-gun wasting everyone else. The space combat stuff is basically the same, no one understands how to work as a team so no one survives very long.

The fact that you can't even unlock a Klingon character slot until level 25 means there is about an 80:20 split in players in favour of Federation, which means PVP never, ever gets going.

On the rare occasion that PVE has worked, it's been pretty cool. We hunted a Romulan fleet, lead by a ship similar in design to the Scimitar seen in Star Trek: Nemesis. It didn't resemble it for long:

Kaboom.

Bad Stuff

The game features an in-game shop, the C-Store, where actual money with the Queen on it and everything can be exchanged for C-Credits. These are used to purchase new ships, equipment and even pets to follow you around, something that I absolutely cannot understand people spending money on. This in-game currency worth real money irritates me. It's clearly another way to continue to make money from a product, especially since it's now FTP, and I understand that. However, I'm not paying £15 to find out what the hell is inside every single one of the 56 Cardassian Lockboxes I have sitting in my inventory. It might be driving me insane.

A dog is for life. But apparently not for Sulu.

During peak hours the game has started to become a tad sticky but not unplayable. This is probably due to server strain, and for the first time a few days ago I was asked to wait in a queue before there was room for me to play. It took a full nine days of FTP status for that to happen, about 9 times as long as it took DCUO, thank god. Minor issues really, the servers will calm down after a few weeks.

Good Stuff

There are some great little things that I enjoy about this game. It patches a little bit every loading screen, something which all MMOs may do, but DC Universe Online certainly did not. That bastard made me wait for nearly 20 minutes every time I wanted to play it. However, the game does take forever to load certain maps, most probably due to heavy usage.

Some time and effort has clearly gone into making direct and indirect connections to the various iterations of Star Trek. Admiral Janeway, Ambassador Picard, Spock, Kirk, Sisco they're all in the game somewhere, mostly just by name. I get warm and fuzzy feelings when someone references an episode that I remember. Hell, you can even replicate Feline Supplement 74, the cat food Data gives to Spot. I do love attention to detail like that.

Overall

Yep, nice space combat, ground combat that I can deal with til it goes away coupled with rewarding progression and a highly detailed universe; all good things. Not much to say visually, it's alright on the ground but nothing special, much better in space however. It's an MMO, so longevity is usually a case of money but seeing as it's FTP I don't really see an end to my enjoyment. I'll take breaks, but I feel certain I'll come back to this again in the future.

Go get it, it's free for Kirk's sake!

A Final Point

Y'know Star Wars? The most popular franchise in the history of ever? Well, I'm nearly bored of it. There are so many games based on, admittedly, an excellent universe, that there's very little new ground left to cover. Unless you start making games based upon the colossal amount of fan fictions and other "novellas" based on the lives of the characters, characters children, children's children, pets, accountants etc. and I really don't want another Star Wars Christmas Special fiasco to be frank. Which is why this game appeals to me so much. It's a relatively new universe for me. Yes, I've seen large chunks of TNG and I'm currently re-watching all of Voyager, but I'm in no way saturated with Picardicles, not by a long shot. It's this freshness coupled with highly enjoyable space combat and rewarding gameplay that has stolen over 50 hours from me in the last 15 days. Thoroughly recommend to all MMO fans as well as anyone who's always wanted to play an MMO but morally objects to paying more than once for a game. Also, Star Trek fans of all sorts.

An In-Depth Eye On: The Assassin's Creed Series

I've just finished Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood.

Behind the times a bit aren't I? Well, yes, but I do have a copy of Revelations on order (free gift with this year's Empire subscription). Due to the impending 4th game in the series arriving on my doorstep, demanding me to play it right that instant, I'm going to take a few moments to collate my thoughts on the series as a whole, before having those thoughts altered by a 'tower defense-esque mini game.' Those of you who've already played Revelations will know what I mean, and I am very much hoping that all the bad words people have called Ezio recently aren't all true. (He is however, sadly still an Italian.)


Assassin's Creed Synopsis

Wayyyyy back in 2007 came the first installment of the series. Set in the Middle East, during the Third Crusade at the end of the 12th century. The main aspects of gameplay revolve around Altaïr ibn La-Ahad, a high ranking member of the Assassin's Brotherhood. During the opening sequences of the game, Altaïr brakes all three of the Brotherhood's most sacred rules, and is demoted to the rank of Novice. After this demotion, the player then seeks to reclaim Altaïr's status, and equipment, by assassinating nine choice targets for the head of the Assassin's Order, Al Mualim.

Running parallel to Altaïr's story, is the tale of Desmond Miles, a lowly bartender kidnapped by a mysterious organisation known as Abstergo and forced to use a strange device; The Animus. Conveniently, Desmond is a direct decedent of the assassin Altaïr and The Animus allows him to access and re-live Altaïr's memories buried within his genetic code. Abstergo has asked Desmond to help them trawl Altaïr's memories and help them search for some mysterious object; The Piece of Eden.

The game time is split about 70/30 in favour of Altaïr, with the interactions with Desmond only really progressing the story with Abstergo after each Memory Sequence or assassination has been completed. Slowly, Desmond begins to suspect all is not as it seems. Upon returning to his room each night Desmond begins to see images and text written on the walls; the writings of the so-say insane Subject 16, the Animus user before Desmond. These messages speak of a great disaster coming in 2012. Desmond begins to question Abstergo's motives and connections to other organisations. Finally, after finding and killing the last of the assassination targets as Altaïr, Desmond awakens to a huge revelation about Abstergo, and the people he'd been working closely with, thus ending the first game.



Response to Assassin's Creed

Well, as a first crack at doing a game like this, Ubisoft did a reasonably good job, in my opinion. The stealth was easy enough to understand; killing, jumping, running etc gets you detected, walking, blending into crowds, hiding on rooftops keeps you inconspicuous. Simple enough. The game was large, spread over three cities in the Holy Land, Jerusalem, Acre and Damascus, each full of a variety of side missions and assassinations all leading up to one of the nine main targets. The more side missions you do, the better an understanding of each target you get. Very simple, very well done.

However. 'Unpolished,' is a polite way of describing this game; there is a huge section of the map in-between the 4 main locations that has absolutely no point other than padding and space for more collectibles, the free running system (whilst effective most of the time) has a habit of throwing Altaïr off in a completely random direction at a critical moment during a chase/escape, and when you fail at stealth and are attacked by the city guards, the majority of the time it's an absolute bastard of a fight with Altaïr outnumbered around 5:1; especially if you don't yet have the Short Blade of +10 counter-kill win.

However however, I can only say all that after having played Assassin's Creed 2; a game which very much IS what the first was trying to be. Therefore, retrospective judgment aside, Assassin's Creed was a great start to the series. Acceptable combat/stealth balance and a gripping story that lead neatly into the second game.


Assassin's Creed 2 Synopsis

At the end of the previous game, Desmond escapes the Abstergo facility where he had relived the memories of Altaïr, and joins the present day remnants of the Assassin's Brotherhood. They possess a second, more advanced Animus which allows Desmond to relive the life of another, more recent ancestor; Ezio Auditore da Firenze, an Italian nobleman in 15th century Italy.

During the present day sections of this game, Desmond begins to feel the "Bleed Through" of Ezio and Altaïr's assassin skills. His Brotherhood companions are quick to urge Desmond to continue developing these skills by spending more and more time in The Animus as Ezio.

Back in 15th century Italy, Ezio begins a quest to avenge his father and brothers who were hanged as a result of a political entanglement. Ezio discovers his father was a member of the Brotherhood, and takes up his mantle in the name of revenge. During the game, Ezio meets and befriends several figures from history, namely Leonardo da Vinci and Niccolò Machiavelli, both of whom are members of the Assassin's Brotherhood. Under the impression he is avenging his father and brothers, Ezio searches Italy for clues that might lead him to the culprit.

This is integrated into the gameplay in a similar way to in Assassin's Creed, several side missions surrounding a key assassination, each bringing Ezio a step closer to the true villain behind the attack on his family; Rodrigo Borgia. However, eventually it is revealed that there is more going on than mere politically motivated murder. It is revealed that Borgia possesses The Apple of Eden, another Piece of Eden. The Apple is key to finding The Vault, which some believe holds untold riches, power, knowledge or something far greater. This is why the modern day Brotherhood are so interested in Ezio.

Upon reliving Ezio's memories of attempting to assassinate Borgia in The Vatican (he became Pope Alexander IV) Ezio discovers that when The Apple is combined with The Papal Staff, another Piece of Eden, the Vault is revealed to him. Within the Vault, Ezio finds a hologram of the goddess Minerva, recanting the tale of an ancient race who came to earth long ago. These aliens created Eden, the Pieces of Eden, and Adam and Eve themselves. During the game, finding glyphs on key buildings and then solving the associated puzzles compiles a short video of Adam and Eve fleeing the Garden, and features several Pieces of Eden. Minerva warns of a great disaster in the near future, and ends by directly addressing Desmond, through a confused Ezio, saying "the rest is up to you, Desmond."

In the final chapter of the game, the modern day Brotherhood comes under attack from Abstergo forces and has to flee, forcing Desmond to demonstrate how much the Bleed Through has bestowed assassin skills upon him, by defending his fellow assassins. In the closing seconds, it is revealed that a solar flare is going to hit the earth, causing widespread destruction, just as Subject 16 and Minerva had predicted. This leads the modern Brotherhood to the conclusion that they must find the remaining Temples across the globe to prevent this disaster from happening.


Response to Assassin's Creed 2

As you can probably tell from the MUCH longer synopsis, 2 is a much more in depth game than 1. Something that works greatly for its benefit. I previously mentioned that once I'd played 2, it revealed all the shortcomings of 1, and that is indeed the case. However, I choose to look at the situation slightly differently than "1 was crap, don't play it because 2 is better." With Assassin's Creed, Ubisoft made what I like to consider the pilot for the series. The in-depth story doesn't really kick in until the second game, having built on the first' teaser of greater things. The combat, stealth and general world interactions in 2 are all just great improvements on the first game. Ubisoft most probably didn't want to commit a large amount of money to a new title, in case it failed. Having seen the above average (but not shockingly high) success of the first game, more money was probably pumped into the second title, allowing it to build on the good elements of the first game. This is, in general, how sequels work.

Notable improvements to gameplay in the second game are numerous, but here are some of my favorites:

The economy is no longer only based around what you can steal, pickpocket or earn through missions. Your Uncle Mario has given you control of his walled town, Monteriggioni. Here you spend your hard earned cash buying shops within the town limits. Each shop then generates money for you, as well as earning you a discount. Purchasing different armour and weaponry also increases your income. I very much enjoyed this, as my style of gaming is focused around doing all the optional missions/objectives that I can before moving on. Therefore, quite early on in the game, I had more money than there were things to buy, giving me a clear advantage in armour and equipment during the middle stages of the story.

Assassins's Creed 2 features nearly double the equipment of the first game, and with lots of different variations in each class. Whereas in Assassin's Creed, there was the Hidden Blade, Sword, Short Blade, Throwing Daggers and....fists, in Assassin's Creed 2 you get all that, plus a second Hidden Blade, a wheellock wrist-mounted pistol, poison dart gun, complex disarm and counter-kill moves as well as a variety within the standard 'Sword' and 'Short Blade' weapon classes, including swords, maces, cutlasses, axes, spears and various daggers, each with different stats based upon Damage, Speed and Block levels.

A bigger emphasis on platforming is also present, as is expected from the dev team that brought you Prince of Persia, but this time there are specific rewards for navigating an area of pure puzzle/platforming.


Last one, here we go...

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood Synopsis

Brotherhood is a direct sequel to Assassin's Creed 2, taking place directly after the events in 15th century Rome as well as 21st Century Italy. The modern Brotherhood is hiding out within the ruins of Monteriggioni, attempting to evade Abstergo's satellites. Meanwhile, in Ezio's timeline, Monteriggioni is attacked by Cesare Borgia, the son of Rodrigo, who takes the Apple of Eden and leaves the villa in ruins. After escaping the villa, Ezio continues his quest to rid Italy of the Borgia, as Cesare has taken control of Rome and seeks to conquer all of Italy.

During his time in the Animus, which features nearly all of the gameplay time in Brotherhood, Desmond re-lives Ezio assembling and rebuilding his alliances with the various organisations in Rome; the Thieves Guild, the local militia and the courtesans of the Rosa in Fiore. Alongside thwarting the Borgia actions, removing their influence over areas of Rome and hunting Cesare, Ezio begins to rebuild the Assassin's Brotherhood with the help of Machiavelli and da Vinci, recruiting Roman citizens to be trained as assassins in the fight against the Borgia. This struggle is presented as a constant search for an opportunity to assassinate Cesare, achieved by assassinating everyone in support of the Borgia. Eventually, Ezio reaches him, reclaims the Apple and restores order to Rome.

It is only then that Desmond becomes properly involved with the story. The modern Brotherhood use the memories of Ezio to locate where he hid the Apple, and race against Abstergo to claim it first. Desmond, positively brimming with Assassin's Creed due to the Bleed Through effect, tracks down The Apple and subsequently The Vault. Once The Vault has been opened, another of Minerva's race, calling itself Juno, appears to Desmond alone. Juno talks of how humanity is underdeveloped, and should have been "left alone" by the ancient race. Juno states that Desmond is born of her race and of her enemy, and forces Desmond to kill Lucy, the assassin mole who helped him escape in the first game. The game ends with a voice over of Desmond's father wondering if he should put Desmond back into the Animus. A nice thick chunk of plot to be carried over into Assassin's Creed Revelations, in my opinion.



Response to Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood

Upon starting Brotherhood, I was very much of the opinion that DLC had been padded out into what was probably going to be half a game at best. I was wrong, this is nearly as long as 2, if not indeed as long, if you include all the side missions and collectibles as well. For all intents and purposes, it is the same game. Same characters, mostly, in pretty much the same world, only this time 90% of the game takes place in Rome (the largest by far of all the cities across all the games) only travelling to other destinations for specific missions. The combat and stealth are the same, the missions follow much the same pattern, so it is reasonable to assume that not much has changed.....

Well, there's Pokemon now.

Yep....Sort of. I am referring to the reconstruction of the Assassin's Brotherhood. Ezio finds and recruits up to 10 citizens and then trains them up as assassins. Ezio sends recruits out on various missions across Europe, harassing the Templars or helping fellow Assassin sympathisers. Each mission earns experience and money, and each recruit ranks up from rank 1 to rank 9, unlocking better armour and weapons to increase survival rate on missions. Eventually they undertake a graduation ceremony, taking the leap of faith and becoming fully fledged assassins, but still rank under Ezio. This is Pokemon, and I enjoyed the grind. All my assassins were fully ranked as soon as possible, because when utilising the Call Assassins ability (where you...call assassins to attack targets for you) it meant the little buggers had more than a cloth hood and a ridiculous mustache to defend themselves with.

The economy has been overhauled. Ezio now has the power to buy everything in Rome, once he's cleared the Borgia influence. There are a over a hundred different shops, landmarks and aqueducts to repair or purchase across the city, and each one earns you more money. By the end of the game my income was 20850f for every 20 minutes of gameplay. You make money to buy things to make money to buy things and so on until you drown. This income is deposited into one of the ten banks in Rome. The more banks you renovate, the larger their vault is, up to a maximum of 80000f. Any money earned after this is wasted. However, your personal purse is unlimited, which seems a bit counter intuitive.

My only real problem with Brotherhood, and the series as a whole to some extent, is the inability to fix the free running/climbing aim system. So many times Ezio, Desmond or Altaïr would be lined up perfectly for the next ledge or beam, only to jump wildly into thin air/a wall/a guard/to their death. It seems that the Prince Of Persia guys should be better at this, having said that those games suffered from the same problems so maybe the dev team/physics engine is to blame.

Apart from that, it really is just a continuation of the same story that was set up in 1, expanded in 2 and now continued in 3, hopefully to be resolved in 4. I was very satisfied with Brotherhood, once I'd accepted the fact that it was just more of Assassin's Creed 2 with a few more bells and whistles, not to mention a multiplayer. Which I will not mention. For personal reasons of bile-spewing hate.



Conclusion

The Assassin's Creed series has to be one of my favorite stories in video games at present. I love the science fiction elements and how well they're blended together with Da Vinci Code-esque grand mysteries as well as a solid and very satisfying stealth/combat game. I can only see the series getting better, and I do think Revelations will be another string to the franchise' bow. As far as the possible 5th game is concerned, at present I'd like to think that Ubisoft will shift the story completely. There was talk of a WW1 female assassin, but that was quashed. Feudal Japan and Arthurian England were also mentioned, both I think would be welcome additions to the mythos. We can only wait and see.



A review of Assassin's Creed: Revelations may be written in the coming months, but that depends on A) if it arrives, B) if it's different and C) if it's either much better or much worse than my expectations.

The Perfect Host

No more than five minutes have passed between the film finishing and me starting to compose this review. If that doesn't show you how much of my opinion I wish to ram into the internet like mediocre stuffing into an under-cooked turkey then I don't know what will. (Little holiday humour there for y'all)

The Perfect Host, starring David Hyde Pierce (Frasier, Hellboy, The Simpsons) and Clayne Crawford (literally nothing worth mentioning) and the directorial debut from Nick Tomnay, cannot be succinctly surmised in any tongues of man, elves or other inhabitants of Middle Earth, because it's got more twists than a twisty, turny thing. So instead, I shall endeavor to briefly describe most of the different sections of this film, without giving too much away so as to render watching it moot, because this film is not to be missed. A quick over-view of this film could be one part Hard Candy, one part....something else entirely, I really couldn't think of anything else. Onwards.

The Criminal

The film opens on John Taylor (Crawford), a bank robber on the run from the lawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (Stallone style). Having just robbed a bank for a significant sum of money, John is looking for a place to lay low for the night. He drives out to the suburbs and stumbles around a neighborhood, looking for a likely place to hole up. An amusing exchange with a Jehovah's Witness occurs. 'Nuff said, don't want to spoil it. Eventually John opens a letter box, reads a few letters and a postcard from 'Julia' and attempts to bluff his way into Warwick's (Hyde Pierce) house under the pretense of being an old friend of Julia's.

Now then. Anyone who's ever seen any Frasier will instantly recognise Warwick as Niles Crane (Hyde Pierce's character from Frasier), the likeness in mannerisms, style of speech and even dress sense is uncanny. Continuing the similarities to Niles, Warick acts The Perfect Host (ahh, ahh, y'see, there it is) and invites John in to use his phone to track down his luggage, call his cousin and any number of barely believable problems John needs help with.

Needless to say, if you've seen the trailer you'll know what happens now. Warwick accidentally hears on the radio that there is a criminal in his neighborhood, who matches John's description and suddenly the previous air of pleasantries, and quiet small talk is blown away as John snaps into this aggressive, violent hardened criminal. Warwick, being the timid, slight man he is complies with John's demands and threats, cancelling the dinner party he had arranged for that night.



The Obvious Development

Good gravy this was exactly what I was watching this film for, and I was certainly not disappointed. Warwick goes bat-shit bananas crazy. The tables are completely turned as John finds himself drugged and tied to a chair and the head of the dining table, a dinner party in full swing. Warwick continues as normal, only lashing out at John if he disrupts his "perfect evening." During the party John joins in with a conga line, goes swimming, converses with the party guest and the fact that he is a hardened criminal is completely ignored by all the guests. This proved to be absolutely hilarious. There is even a musical number. I'm a huge fan of Frasier, and this was exactly what I expected Niles to have done had Maris pushed him just a little too far That is to say, gone completely stark raving mad whilst at the same time still mingling and chit chatting.

The Gruesome Revelation

During the festivities, Warwick shows John a photo album of all his dinner parties. What John sees is an album that charts one guest in particular from their arrival, through to midnight, 3am and finally 6am the next morning. Progressively getting closer to death. Whilst not as shockingly gruesome as Sloth in Se7en (if you know, you know, if you don't, I envy you) the point is made. John begins to realise, vastly helped by the short cinematic presentation of Warwick's first 'dinner party,' that he is next. Soon to conga off this mortal coil. Deceased. Dead. An ex-dinner guest.


The Slight Glimmer of Hope

As the party is winding down, John becomes desperate, knowing that Warwick must be planning on killing him sometime soon, and so he hatches a plan. He challenges Warwick to a game of chess for his freedom. And wins. Right here, I expected Warwick to just kill him anyway, but he didn't. In fact, John tries to get revenge and stabs Warwick. But it doesn't take, and Warwick knocks John out again.


The Next Morning

John is dead. A massive slit across his throat, wounds over his face and a black eye. Warwick has dragged his corpse to the curb for collection with the morning rubbish. Only, John isn't dead.

Whilst everything up until now has been minor plot spoilers (and I've already left out an entire second plot, and one of the biggest twists) I do feel that it would be a much better idea for you to go and watch the film, and then come back and read the rest of this review, should you wish. I'm only saying, after reading the rest of this you're going to know pretty much everything that's not obvious with this film.

To aid this, there will be enough blank space here so you don't accidentally read any further.









































Ok, you have be warned, here goes.


So, all the dinner guests are figments of Warwick's imagination, something that becomes apparent from the first time they appear. Warwick is several sandwiches short of a picnic (understatement) and has actually done nothing to John, except a few light beatings and druggings, nothing serious if you're used to a night on the tiles up North. John wakes up at the curb, tries to get himself together and touches one of the scars. It's a prosthetic, they all are, and he rips them all off. The second plot I mentioned earlier, surrounding the robbery, only becomes relevant now. Warwick is a fucking detective, and not only that, he's working on John's case. Off Mr Crazy-Britches goes to his day job of trying to catch the man he'd spent the previous night abusing in his own home. Wonderful twist.

Meanwhile, John tries to find his girlfriend, who was in on the robbery with him, in order to get the hell outta dodge. Turns out, she'd double-crossed him and is trying to make a run for the border with all the cash. John stops her, and gets away scot-free.......because Warwick catches him, takes the money from John in exchange for his life, and then lets him go. None of this last act is even conceivable during the first two. I was utterly surprised.

So that's that, is it? Not quite. John had the foresight to consider he might get arrested and may even get the chance to expose Warwick for the monster he truly is. To this end, he sends one of Warwick's colleagues a Polaroid of Warwick and John sitting on Warwick's sofa, taken during the dinner party. After some silver tongue dancing from Warwick, he convinces his colleague that, for the good of their friendship, they should treat this matter in a more civil and amicable manner. He does this by inviting him to join a dinner party he's hosting that evening......



Roll credits.


What a brilliant film. I'm not usually one to be caught out by twists and such in films like these, but I really dropped the ball with this one. Not only did I characterise the film as being a "dark comedy with some elements of horror" to friends of mine after watching the trailer, but it took me probably a good hour to realise just how clever this film truly is. (here's the trailer, see for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S1dovoZ6bM)


It's not without it's faults, however. The use of steel drums and soft, gentle rock riffs as suspense music kind of breaks the atmosphere a tad, unless it was supposed to make me giggle, in which case point retracted. There is pretty much no explanation as to why Warwick is insane, or his motives for hosting these parties, other than a few seconds of snippy comments from his guests that I'm going to read massively into and use as an indication that they are all people from his life that hurt him in some way, or that he wished he could be like and that is why he hosts parties for them. But that's pure speculation.


I heartily recommend this to fans of....well, good films, really! The only way it could've made me happier would have been if Warwick had used my favorite Niles Crane quote:

"Niles never wins, Niles always loses, which is why Niles lives at the Shangri-La and drives a hatch-back!"

It's a thinker, it's got a touch of humour at the obscene juxtaposition of David Hyde Pierce and anything bloodier than a cheeky '88 Merlot, and it's reasonably well put together, considering the unknown director/writer. Do see it. And then try and watch Frasier in the same way, I dare you.

Skyrim

Sweet Jesus on a jet-ski, it's taken me a long while to compile my thoughts on this game into one rambling blog entry, but here we are; done at last.

Before getting into the emtional rollercoaster that is this review, I'm going to talk about something related first:

Hype


I speak of course of the months and months of speculation, conversation, and sometimes even masturbation, about a new upcoming game release. I've found that, with most things, hype is usually bigger than the release itself. Most of the time a film or game will be hyped ad nauseam until there is no acceptable outcome for the film or game in question than to be the biggest, most earth shatteringly spectacular creation to be hewn from code known to man.

Such was the case with Skyrim. Whilst I wasn't a fan of any of the other Elder Scrolls games, I quickly caught the Skyrim bug after seeing a few gameplay promos, YouTube vids and TV spots, showing what my good friend Ben observed to be "the best in-game representation of D&D" he'd ever seen. And, as my pre-order later that day would suggest, I agreed.

The competition, in the sense that it was released only a few days earlier, to Skyrim is Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. A fair few people might be of the opinion that these two games divide gamers into "either/or" camps, but this is not the case, thankfully. Whilst not a fan of Modern Warfare 3 myself, (ergo, I shan't be buying it) I know of many people who are planning on buying one, and then the other.

Lets talk statistics. Within the first 48 hours of retail MW3 sold 6.5 million units, that's enough for 1 in 10 people in the UK to own one. Skyrim sold 3.5 million units in the same time period. Each game retailed for anywhere between £25-£50, meaning that the vast majority of gamers would probably only be able to afford one or the other. This is where the claims of "rivalry" come from. Thankfully, Skyrim did well in sales (and continues to do so) and whilst I myself haven't enjoyed a CoD game since Modern Warfare 1 (I used to be an Admin for a PC clan no less), I bear no ill will to those who do enjoy it. Primarily because nobody can honk words like "n00b" and "super-saiyan-fagzilla" at me when I'm playing Skyrim.

What the sales figures of Skyrim prove is that the gaming consumers are still a varied and multi-genre enjoying market, and just because MW3 sold at obscene rates, doesn't mean that this is all the gaming industry should be churning out because it thinks that's all we want to consume. I am parroting the well respected and well informed views of one Mr Jim Sterling, Esq. of The Escapist's Jimquisition and Destructoid fame, in order to illustrate my point:

Bitches Love Jim's Chainsword and Shades Combo



Anyway. On with my review.


The Coming


11/11/11, the big day.
Having pre-ordered Skyrim on PC from Tesco.com for the low, low price of £26, I fully expected the game to arrive on 10/11/11 (because Tesco don't give a flying fuck about release dates) Hyper-excited about the game's arrival at precisely 11am, I back-flipped my way to my PC, carefully rammed the disc into my not-always-behaving drive and booted the executable, only to find......

Fuck you Steam.


Yeah, that's right, because this is a Steam activated game I had to wait until 12.01 the following morning to play, although the nice people from Steam did let me install all the files just to rub salt into the wound.


The Second Coming

So midnight rolled around, I pounded a pint of sugary tea and set about launching the game. What greeted me was wonderful. As with all Elder Scrolls games, so I'm told, Skyrim begins with you incarcerated for some vague crime against the ruling classes for which you are nearly beheaded:

Last time it was for shagging the Emperor's wife and daughter at the same time before playing a rock guitar solo on the desecrated corpse of God


Suddenly, dragons.

Very pretty dragons, as well.


And that's the intro really, to go any deeper into the story would take me even more time and effort than I've already spent on this review, so just fack orf and play the damn game. Go now, go with my blessing and promise you shall not be disappointed. Its like reading a several thousand page book, only instead of turning pages (or thumbing your Kindle) you hack apart creatures and sell anything that isn't nailed down to anyone with any bloody Septims left. From this point on-wards the game develops into a cross between a medium-to-severe narcotics addiction and The Lord Of The Rings, After Dark. Well, that was my experience anyway.

Let's get critical.


Visuals

Whilst I've already said the dragons look amazing, they kind of had to, what with being a major selling point and game feature. Other character models, creatures and enemies are beautifully composed. There are great levels of interaction between NPCs, creatures and the environment which they occupy. For example, there are Mammoths on the plains of Skyrim, being herded by Giants. These creatures are programmed to follow set behavior depending on what they are interacting with, be it each other, your character, or other NPCs and creatures. This behavior is adaptive and alters flawlessly in whatever environment the creatures find themselves. Even when the game bugs, and the mammoths begin to fly, they still wave their trunks around like they're sniffing flowers and such. In essence, I was very impressed with the way stuff I wasn't looking at, paying attention to or interacting with carried on being interesting, interacting with other objects and basically just being well made. Another example being, I dismounted my horse, ran over to pillage a chest I'd found and as I turned around I was greeted with this:

This is Shadowmere, my trusty steed, who fears no bears

My horse had decided it, being born of shadow and chaos, was bored chewing on grass, and found a bear to kill. And he did as well.


The environment itself suffers from Bethesdaism, which is in no way a bad thing. Players of previous Bethesda titles, such as Fallout 3, will be aware that in order to present the player with such a large and loading-screen free landscape to roam in, the graphics will not be the best around. This trade off is perfectly acceptable to me, and in most cases preferable to a more linear game trying to pass off being a sandbox by curtailing the players adventures with invisible walls, un-fordable rivers etc. That having been said, the game world certainly isn't ugly, by no stretch of the imagination.

Everything The Light Touches....



Longevity


A quick dip into this before the Gameplay section, as that's the main course.

In reference to my earlier point: SHOCKING! A GAME WITHOUT MULTIPLAYER SOLD WELL, D:

My first play through of Skyrim has taken me a grand total of 90 hours SO FAR, and I can predict at least another 20 to go. That works out at 24p per hour of gameplay. And that's all single player, kids. Not to mention I completely ignored magic with my first character, so my second is probably going to eat up another 50-80 hours.

This guy just doesn't have time for magic. Especially when an axe will do the same job


That having been said, I do think I'm going to leave Skyrim for a good few months now. Primarily because I know what happens, and to get the full enjoyment from a game like this discovering the story as you make progress is key. This is not a slight on the game, more a slight on my perpetual funemployment status.


Gameplay

Bear with me here, dear readers, as I attempt to be concise.....across five subsections.


Combat
My first contact with the Elder Scrolls series was a brief hour long stint of Oblivion on Xbox 360 a few years ago. I found there to be very little I enjoyed, and was particularly put off by first person meleé combat. This was my primary concern with Skyrim. Thankfully, improvements have been made. My character was a male Orc, specialising in two-handed, BAMF, battle axes, and so I can only review what I've experienced. Mostly, hitting things until they die and letting my heavy armour and high health absorbing all the damage in the process. Seemed to work most of the time. Because of my choice of weapon, I have barely any experience of using shields, blocking or any of the more devious methods of dispatching enemies in meleé, such as sneak attacks, poisons and the like, but from what I've heard they are all equally as well done and I look forward to using them all during subsequent play throughs.

Ranged combat centers around bows and spells, the latter of which I have limited experience with. Bows, on the other hand, are a favorite of mine. They are so well done in Skyrim that I have spent hours creeping around the countryside hunting deer, just for the hell of it. In first person the bow and arrow are across your field of vision, giving an accurate aiming system and indication of the strength of shot by how far back you draw. In third person the crosshairs becomes your aiming system and, whilst I vastly prefer first person, third person is most certainly useful when surrounded, or quick-firing at multiple enemies.

Needless to say, this didn't end well


There are five disciplines of magic in Skyrim: Conjuring, Alteration, Restoration, Destruction and Illusion, and for the most part it appears to be very easy to either play a general Mage, using spells from all classes, or a specific type of magic user, such as a Necromancer who raises the dead to fight for him, or a Summoner who calls various atronachs to deal elemental damage to their enemies. In essence, if you can think of a character or archetype from any WRPG game, or indeed film/TV show set in a similar world, you can streamline your play to become that character. I know of people playing as Legolas from The Lord Of The Rings and Havelock Vetinari from the Discworld Series, for example. There are even certain people who are managing to play as a pacifist, and still succeed with the main story quests!
(here's the link to a YouTube vid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2d2KRIUYCM)

You can even be a werewolf. A kick-ass, teeth'n'claws, blur of furry death


Shouts
By finding words of the dragon language, and then by killing dragons to absorb their souls, your character can learn to use Shouts to make use of a multitude of attacks or abilities, such as breathing fire, becoming invisible, changing the weather or sprinting through traps. I found the shouts, whilst integral to the main story, to be pretty mundane. I only used them as a last ditch attack if I was about to die, or in certain situations where you are required to use them. Some are pretty pointless, depending on what race you play as. For example, the Wood Elves can calm animals that attack them and turn them into allies, and there's a shout for that. They're there, and they have their place, but they're nothing special and don't really interest me much.


Quests
Within the game there are three types of quest: Story Quests, focusing around the return of the Dragons to Skyrim. Side Quests, given to you by the various factions present in Skyrim, such as the Mage's College, Thieves Guild, Dark Brotherhood of Assassins and the opposing sides of the Civil War. And Miscellaneous Quests, given to you by NPCs, by finding items, visiting areas etc, these are usually the least rewarding and least time consuming of the quest types, though some do have great rewards, and many can take surprising twists.

For example, I wandered into the town of Falkreath, and was given a quest by an NPC to find his missing dog. I was busy with other quests at the time so I ignored his request at first, but as I wandered around outside the town I came across his dog, Barbas. Who proceeded to talk to me. By the time I'd finished the quest he gave me I'd travelled about a third of the way across the map, slain a nest of vampires and been rewarded by the Daedric Prince of Wishes with this [-->], a Masque of +20% Prices, +10 Speech and +5% Magika Regeneration. This level of unknown depth to certain quests was very compelling.


Experience
What a splendid system of progressions Skyrim has. Truly brilliant. There are 18 different skills, from smithing and enchanting weapons, across the five magics, archery, sneaking, lockpick etc and at any time your character is rated from 1-100 in each skill. The more you use a particular skill, the closer to 100 that number becomes.

This is inspired, as it means, very simply, "the more you use, the better you get, the better you are" with each skill. This does mean its perfectly possible to farm certain skills to reach skill level 100, but that in itself is still a great idea. If you decide that your character should be the best weaponsmith next to Eorlund Gray-Mane in all of Skyrim, then you can be just that, providing you put in the effort to get there.



All smith and no play make Eorland dead inside

Once enough skills have been increased your character level increases, up to a cap of 75. With each character level comes the reward of a Perk Point. These Perk Points are used to unlock different bonuses or upgrades to alter how you use a skill or to further improve its affect on your character. For example, Perk Points can be used to increase the damage resistance of armour, the damage done by weapons, decrease the magika cost of spells or make locks easier to pick. Because of the level cap there are only a limited number of Perk Points available, and so you can never buy all the perks (although it is possible to have each skill at 100) This means, whilst there are no classes defined by skill level in Skyrim, there are those defined by Perks. Realistically, I found investing my Perk Points into only 3-5 skills enabled me to fully reap the benefits. With regards to the benefits of spreading your Perks out over a wider variety proving just as effective, I cannot say.

Yeah, I farmed smithing to make this set of Dragonplate Armour. Worth the 700 Iron Daggers I made.

There are flaws with this system, however. Especially for my character who, very early on, decided shields were a waste of his time and both his hands should be used for making things die of death. Because of his lifestyle choice, changing combat style proved difficult. Having spent so much time perfecting how to decapitate an enemy with his axe, he found wielding a bow, or a fireball spell, not as effective at removing limbs due entirely to the fact that he had not been removing limbs this way for the entire game up until this point. This made him very sad, and he decided to bug his way into the ground up to his waist and stay there even though there was a bear eating his face.

What my narrative illustrates is the one flaw with the experience system in Skyrim. Doing things until you're great at them is a good reward system, but as you progress your way through the game, increase in character level, the game and all its inhabitants level up with you. Should you choose to change combat style from meleé to magic, for example, your spells will be vastly underpowered and you may have trouble killing anything at all. This means that the further through the game you progress, the more streamlined you become, unless you attempt to kill each enemy with a different type of damage, in which case I suggest you making a bloody decision and just get on with it.


Dragons
As previously stated, they are beautiful beyond belief, but they are also incredibly well designed. Their interaction with the environment and with other characters as you strive to strike them down and harvest their souls is stunning. For example, this bad boy:

This scaly individual saw fit to attack me in Solitude, and as you can see is perched on the city walls seeing fit to demolish all who oppose it with torrents of fiery death. The dragon proceeded to NOT land, whilst burning buildings and various NPCs until I whipped out my bow and started shooting at it. Only then did its attention turn to me, and it landed in the courtyard and attacked me. This seems to be a pattern with dragon fights. A few strafing runs and hovering to blast fire and frosty death at you before landing. Landing has always proved to be their undoing, owing to the fact my character is a BAMF with a Two-Handed Legendary Daedric Battleaxe. which kills all dragons in 3 strikes. This illustrates that the dragon combat is fluid, depending on what environment you find yourself going toe to talon with one in, as well as what weapon you favour most. Dragons also provide a wonderful centerpiece for the main story, something I have found to be incredibly well written and paced. Plus dragons. I will say though, after killing 32 dragons to date, they have now become a nuisance. Primarily because they pose no threat to me and just end up getting in the way of whatever quest I'm on.


Conclusions
So then, if you've managed to read through all of that I suppose you're expecting some climatic conclusion, with proclamations of undying love for all who worked upon such a jewel of gaming? Well, mostly yes, those are my thoughts, but not ALL of them. In its entirety, this game is wonderful, at LEAST an 8/10 if I were Metacritic, but there are some flaws. These flaws, whilst not massively experience-altering, are there and I did notice them. All in all though, a very well made and well presented WRPG with enough scope for several hundred hours of gameplay, in a class of your own crafting. Plus Dragons. Do get it if you're a fan of anything Bethesda have ever made, RPGs in general, or dragons.





And Finally....
Its worth noting a game's success by retail figures, reviews and scores on websites such as Metacritic, but there are other ways to measure success. With Skyrim, memes are one such way. FunnyJunk, 4Chan and other sites are plagued with Skyrim-related hilarity these days, be it:

Or:

Or Even:

Not To Mention:

The fact that in just less than a month (at time of blogging) the game has integrated itself into internet-based culture surprisingly fast, and that is testament to its quality and the impact that it has had upon everyone who has played it.

Gone are the days of Shoop De Woop, now is the age of the Fus Ro Dah.

So say we all.