Overlord and Overlord: Raising Hell

So thanks again to Steam and it's wonderful ability to offer me games at 75% off I purchased Overlord and its expansion, Raising Hell.

For those of you not familiar with the Overlord series, it's can be basically described as "Evil Pikmin," the pretty darn good Nintendo game based around Captain Olimar and his leafy friends.

You play The Overlord, a nameless, voiceless Sauron-clone whom has just returned to his Dark Tower to find it destroyed by "heroes" and spend the game regaining your status as Dark Ruler of Everywhere. The tower serves as your base of operations and has 5 different sections. The throne room houses your throne, obviously, as well as the portal you use to travel to difference levels of the game. As you collect gold during your travels you can use it to upgrade and beautify your tower, inside and out, as soon as you've "acquired" a Mistress. There are two options, basically chase'n'pure or naughty'n'dark, both of which give different styles of decor. (N.B. i went with Velvet, the evil Mistress, and once I'd bought all the upgrades there was a humerus sex scene. Nice) The Mistress lives in the top floor of the Tower, occupying one of the 5 'rooms' previously mentioned.

The dungeon is basically an arena in which you can practise fighting against any enemy that you've previously defeated, and is quite useful in figuring out how the hell you kill Rock Giants with tiny, fleshy goblins. The underground chamber houses the Tower Heart, which you use to power the portal, and locations to store Hives. Each Hive allows you to command a different colour Minion and are scattered through the games various levels.

The Forge allows you to equip The Overlord with various armours and weapons, once you've found the relevant Forge from the game world. There are 3 levels of armour, and they are purely aesthetic until you begin upgrading them. By sacrificing minions. This is a bit of a fail, as I pretty much never found anywhere near enough minions to make this worthwhile. I managed to get arcane armour with a +5% health regeneration ability, by sacrificing about 200 Green Minions - they're just not plentiful enough for this to be viable. The weapons available are basic, to say the least, but can be upgraded again by sacrificing Minions. With the addition of the Raising Hell expansion several unique items become available, but again they require far too many Minions to be attainable without farming for hours, so i never bothered.

So that's the Tower, from which you access the various worlds available for conquest. I very much enjoyed this game, because it had such a limited moral 'Molyneux' compass, but one that was still relevant. Its a percentage of evil, evil acts increase it, good acts don't decrease it. I ended the game at 50%. The aforementioned Evil Acts are simple, but well placed. For example, the elves - once hated enemies of the Minions - are now slaves to the dwarves, and as The Overlord who eventually defeats one of the Dwarven Kings, you can choose to save the elven women and allow the race to continue, or take the large pile of shiny gold. Simple, and yet just enough to make you stop and consider which choice -you- would make, as opposed to which choice is obviously better for advancing through the game. Its essentially a balance between killing worshipers to keep the rest in line, or saving all of them so you have more to rule over.

The Minions. There are 4 types of Minion; Brown, Red, Green and Blue, each suited to different tasks and situations, each badly suited to various roles. Browns are your fighters, tough and strong, able to take on everything when in large enough numbers, and will always be the most numerous under your command. Reds are ranged units, incredibly weak in direct combat, but deadly in numbers. They are also the only units able to put out fires and traverse lava and other such toasty places. Greens very much look the best, equipped with Vega style claws and jungle attire, and are mediocre fighters. They're the only units able to remove poisonous plants, in a similar way to how the Reds deal with fires. Once stationed at a rally point they will quickly become invisible to enemies, and should one approach they will leap onto it and cause heavy damage before leaping back to the point to re-cloak. Blues are bastards. They possess so many useful attributes, are piss-weak, rare, and the last Minion Hive to be found. Because of this it requires some back-tracking of the earlier levels, something which i despise about games (See: every Halo game ever). Blues are aquatic, immune to magic, the only thing that can kill magic enemies, and act as Minion medics. Direct combat? Not a chance, as you'd expect from a healer unit. Because of their aquatic nature they are invaluable in many situations, usually involving retrieving Objects. By the end of my play through i could control 30 Minions (Game max being 50), usually made of 18 Browns, 4 Blues and 8 Reds, and I was pretty much unstoppable. That is, until the game throws a curve ball. Insta-kills.

This is my only problem with this game. 80% of all enemies can be swarmed with Browns and cut down, or picked off by Reds from afar, but as you'd expect there are certain enemies only vulnerable to a certain Minion - this is expected and not a criticism in for game like this. However, during the later stages of the game, certain enemies are introduced with the ability to kill large numbers of your Minions to death and then they die from it. Beyond the healing abilities of the Blues.
"But you can just summon more Minions!" I hear you cry, this is true, but due to the nature of the Minion's combat effectiveness, a great irritation. You're constantly informed of your Combat Effectiveness Percentage, based on what weapons and armour your Minions can scavenge from defeated enemies, crates etc. So losing all of your Browns, fully upgraded with the armour of fallen enemies, (I've had Minions wearing Dwarven beards, Rat faces, Skulls, Greek Theatrical Masks and even Bonnets) can drop your combat effectiveness from 400% down to about 150%, it irritated me beyond belief, and becomes more and more common as you near the end of the game. Its a tactic that attempts to negate your previous attained upgrades to level the playing field in a very cheap way. For example, the final boss changes colour depending on which Minion can damage him, a good mechanic. But in between quick trips to the B&Q paint aisle, he enjoys Taz the Tazmanian Devil'ing his way around the area, insta-killing everything. Cheap. Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeap i say!

Overall, the level design is solid, if a tad repetitive, which makes it easy to fall into a good pattern of success but without becoming monotonous. I will say the epic distances between Autosave points is ridiculous, especially later in the game when insta-killing really makes me want to just reload the checkpoint so I'd have my best Minions back from the dead. The pathfinding abilities of Minions is appalling, they handle like American Muscle cars - its either straight ahead, or get stuck on every slight bend between you and them. Surprisingly the storyline is actually tangible, and even has a twist which I honestly didn't see coming! I'm soon to play Overlord 2, and I'm very much looking forward to seeing if the same story is continued.

In summery, a solid game with a good smattering of humour, a blatantly copied concept but executed well to give an enjoyable game. Definitely worth the £1.40 I paid for it.

Con Air: A Retrospective.

So it has come to this day, 19th June 2011, when I finally get round to watching Con Air. Let me just say, that my delay should in no way reflect the quality of this film. I'm quite the Cage fanboy, and this film shall now be used as my retort to anyone questioning his film career. Anyone bold enough to utter "Nic Cage is shit, have you seen Ghost Rider?!" near me will be verbally back-handed with "Go now from my sight and watch Con Air," and, depending on availability, physically backhanded with a dvd of Con Air to further prove my point.

So, the first few scenes centre around Cameron Poe, (Cage) a US Ranger just finishing a tour of duty in what is suggested to have been Operation: Desert Storm. The now State-side Poe comes home to see his lovely, pregnant wife Tricia (Monica Potter) who is currently working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. I'm not singing the rest of that. Anywho, a fight ensues between Poe and a few of the local fellas, during which Lethal Weapon Poe manages to kill one of them. Now, the killing blow was a palm hit to the face, to the sound effect of what appeared to be a shotgun. I can't lie, Cage got stacked for this film, but he still does not have shotgun hands. Hollywood, if you're reading, less Rose McGowen with M16 peg-legs, more Cage with Shotty-Fingers.

It turns out the local judge is also aware of Poe's pump-action palms and declares him a dangerous weapon due to his Ranger training, Poe pleads guilty to manslaughter and gets banged up for 7 years. We see a montage (#We're gonna need a montage.....#) of Poe working out, writing to his daughter and learning Origami and Spanish, generally being the ideal prisoner. Eventually his parole comes around and he's released into the custody of the US Marshal service, for transportation which is where the action really begins. Take note, all of the above takes place within roughly 20 minutes of the film, leaving a full 1hr 30 for plenty of Bunnies to be put back into boxes.

The Lawwwwwww (said in my best Stallone drawl) is aptly represented in the most clichéd Chalk and Cheese pairing I think I've ever enjoyed. John Cusack as the young, sharp as a tac Chalk, U.S. Marshal Vince Larkin, and Colm Meaney as his counter part, the always yelling, '67 Chevy Corvette driving, "shoot first and ask questions later" Cheese, Duncan Malloy. The pseudo-rivalry between the two characters throughout the film is very well portrayed, with Larkin always on the ball but never with enough authority to get much done, and Malloy tearing around in Apache helicopters shouting at most of the Mid-Wests law enforcement officers. Throughout the film The Law is completely removed from the situation, which is obviously taking place on the aircraft, which serves to heighten the tension. From the viewer's perspective we can see Poe and Larkin are sort of on the same "side" as it were, and that Malloy is just swinging his over-sized badge around because he's not getting his way. This serves to invite the viewer to very quickly relate to Larkin.

A smattering of mid-range B-list actors coupled with 3 most defiantly A-listers and the usual "Large White Prisoner #1-4" to make up the numbers, gives a stunning cast of convicts. The most interesting of the B-listers being Dave Chappelle as "Pinball," standard serial offending crack addict and general cannon fodder for comic effect, followed closely by M.C. Gainey's character "Swamp Thing." Now, Gainey is more recently known for his excellent role in "Lost" as Tom, early leader of The Others, and here he's just entertaining whenever he's on screen - usually driving or flying something into things.

The A-listers. Malkovich as the head honcho Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom is exceptional, as Malkovich always is, finding the correct balance between quiet and reserved power, and bursts of shear crazy. The ever-rapy "Johnny 23" (Danny Trejo) is a little under-developed but time has clearly been spent elsewhere, not to the films detriment, and seeing Danny Trejo is usually all you need to do - if we let him act too much, stuff goes all Costa Rica (See: Machete) The other A-lister gets his own paragraph:

Steve Buscemi, ohhhhh how I love Steve Buscemi. In every film I have ever witnessed this great man act. Ghost World, Reservoir Dogs, Armageddon, Fargo, Pulp Fiction, The Sopranos, and more recently Boardwalk Empire. Every time he's exceptional, so I don't really think I need to say much more. He's ridiculously convincing as a mass murderer, the quiet, twisted kind, and this comes across in his complete lack of physical acting. He has few lines, and those he does have he delivers in his trademark way - usually with an air of comic relief, but not so much as to detract from the gravitas of his batshit insanity.

The plot is sound, the various characters are well developed at a comparable pace and everything is neatly tied up at the end, job done. But the 3rd act. Wow. Without having to plaster spoiler warnings all over this I'll try and summarise this epic "How To Do An Action Film" collection of scenes.

So, the plane eventually is landed, and the convicts set about attempting to escape again to sunnier shores. At the same time The Law is bearing down on them. Cyrus decides to set a trap for the oncoming National Guard and Police forces. What follows is a very well put together, well shot and entertaining ambush and subsequent shootout. The kind that should be present in most action films, but sadly are replaced by the actor (usually with the largest pay packet) destroying entire divisions of nameless troops, usually with some big explosions and ripping one-liners.

From the ashes of the ambush, a aerial chase develops, between the plane, two Apache helicopters, and Malloy's '67 Chevy Corvette. All of this takes place in the air. Don't ask, watch the film. Eventually this chase culminates in a crash landing across The Strip in Las Vegas, a very well represented sequence for 1997. Thats right, 1997. The year The Phantom Menace came out. Remember that far back? I swear to god I date everything by Lucas Disappointments these days.

Anyway, personal rage aside, another chase ensues, having given up on attempting to fly a place down a highway, M.C. Gainey decides to drive a firetruck through a tunnel, whilst Poe and Cyrus duke it out on the trucks ladder. Now, Cyrus appears to have a quick change of character here, to Captain Ahab. From the realms of the Netherworld he pulls what I can only call a fish-halberd, and begins to harass Poe, who is currently hanging underneath the ladder by one of his gristly, prison-built arms. Eventually, as expected, Poe gets the better of Cyrus and hand cuffs him to the ladder, which is then driven through an overhanging hotel. Job done, I hear you cry, but no. Director Simon West (Tomb Raider, The Mechanic) didn't want to leave anything up to chance. A pneumatic....hydraulic.....nuclear....well its something, and its big and heavy and pounds things into the ground, anyway, it destroys Cyrus' head. Breath a sigh of relief, Mr West, the audience knows he's completely killed to death and died from it to boot.

Overall, if you want the footnotes, this has shot right into my top 5 action movies I've ever seen. Now action movies are not something I generally rate very much, nor watch very much, but this one sure as hell gets my vote. Watch it if you like Cage. Watch it if you like Malkovich. Watch it if you don't like either of them, because after this you will.


Two things, two tiny things, before we wrap this up, that need mentioning about this film. 1) That haircut. I mean, Jesus look at it. It's like someone grafted an alien species onto the back of his head. 2) The theme song; Trisha Yearwood - How Do I Live. Good grief, what a shining example of epic 90s pop music this is. A better time.

Haze (PS3)

I LIKED HAZE! Unlike 100% of all other people i know who played it. So, gentle reader. Bear with me on this one.

Haze is yet another super-soldier, super-future, super-gimick, super-fail game to be released on the PS3. You play Shane Carpenter, a green horn fresh from college who signed up to be "in the right place at the right time when bad shit happens." The force he signed up to was Mantel, a bunch of "oorah" stereotypical yank grunts with shiny yellow armour and more man hormone than a entire Red Bull factory. Mantel have been called into an unnamed South American country to locate and depose a local warlord named Gabriel "Skin Coat" Merino and his guerrilla force The Promised Hand. Spin and propaganda that would make Piers Morgan blush has been implemented to make out The Promised Hand are guilty of "ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity" and hence in roll the Hell's Custard Pudding Chapter of the Space Marines.

The gimick that this game sells itself on, and to an extent hides behind screaming "I'm different! I'm different i swear! Looooooove me....?" is Nectar. This performance enhancing drug is one part underwearof one Usain Bolt, two parts Chuck Norris beard fibres plus a smidgen of Lou Ferrigno's ball sweat. This culminates in a drug that allows you to amble slightly faster, absorb damage like you're wearing a warm, wet paper bag and see hiding enemies using the patented Custard Cream-o-Vision. This is fairly useless i found, and i only really used it to find that last pesky Deigo hiding in the undergrowth of brown, brown and futherly brown (and poorly made) scenery.

The game, in total, took me 2 days to complete and I'd probably say 6-8 hours of solid gameplay. This is frighteningly short in my opinion, and is one of the points that carries the games main flaw of serious underdevelopment. If Halo 2 is downtown Tokyo, Haze is Mogdishu. If Crysis is New York City, Haze is Anchorage. If Killzone 2 is London, Haze is Droitwich. You get the point. FUCKING LAZY DEVELOPERS. Theres the angry bit. Onwards!

After about two hours of playing for The Sherbert Lemon Brigade Carpenter is captured and "persuaded" to switch sides by way of an epiphany involving a lack of Nectar and a missing finger. This is when the game becomes fun, and oddly enough deviate entirely from the one gimicky idea that made it stand out; Nectar and using it to kick ass. As a rebel you have access to......fuck all. The trade off is awful, and yet the game is suddenly more enjoyable. I found myself getting amongst a group of Mantel soldiers and flicking "Razor Tongues" (throwing knives) like babies outta Kerry Katona's Channel Tunnel of a vagina. Abstract but nonetheless included.

Weapons. So here we come to the second of our lazy development points. There are only 5 weapon types; assault rifle, sniper rifle, shotgun, missile launcher and special (Mantel get a freaking awesome Magnum and The Promised Hand get throwing knives) and in a simple act of "ctrl + c, ctrl + v and then swap some stats around" each side has their own version. For example, the standard G36c looky-likey assault rifle for Mantel carried 30 rounds in a clip an can carry 6 clips totally 180 rounds maximum. The Promised Hand's AR can hold 50 in a clip and carry 4 clips, a total of 200 rounds. BUT its useless. Shotguns are also pathetic, and a usual weapon of choice for me, the sniper rifle, is practically non-existent. I found 3 during the entire game. The pistol and knives were my most used combination as when stationary the pistol is a one shot kill at quite some range, and lets just face it knives are cool.

Vehicles, as with most super soldier clone games, suck. Awful handling and level design for vehicle sections. Drive from point A to point B and fuck all else. A choice between odd Aygo looking Marine Buggy, quad bike or banged up Hilux with a MG is your lot, and usually its no choice just hope the vehicle survives the stupid amount of mortar/mines on the tight, twisty level.
Visuals are just about PS3 standard, would have thought they looked more 360 standard, especially scenery graphics. Storyline is probably the best they could make of the original idea, and the douche bag marines are sooo easy to hate and therefore enjoy killing.

A few minor points. NPC have a habit of exclaiming their delight at various things, three different things to be precise. Over. And Over. During cutscenes. Even when you go round and put them out of their misery with a well aimed knife throw they CONTINUE to go on and on about the plight of their dusty shite-hole of a country. At least the marine's threw snappy one liners like "i might just be the baddest mother fucker on the planet" and "my mom would be so proud if she could see me now." Another irritating point is lack of a conclusion. In the end you destroy one "land carrier" which is effectively a massive rolling aircraft carrier ploughing its way through the rain forest pissing off Green Peace, and we're supposed to believe that was all Mantel sent?! I personally destroyed at least 8 drop ships and the deck of the carrier can only hold 5 possibly 6 at a time. This is odd. Coupled with being able to waltze up to Mr Big Dick, Evil Inc. and knife his face off in 5 seconds flat does not make for a pants moistening finalé.

Considering I paid £9 for it I'm not too fussed about it being just about entertaining. It was far from stand out special, more "stand in the corner, Timmy, and stop dribbling" special. Play it if your mate is stupid enough to buy it. DO NOT BUY IT, unless you're one of those douches that owns games for the sake of it or for weekend activities like seeing how many discs you can fit your knob through at once. My record is 1. I only got Fallout 3 back after a long argument with the A & E department. Its not the same, it doesn't look at me during anymore.

Vantage Point (2008)

Vantage Point is a snappy, crisp and true to the genre action film with refreshing direction and gripping plot. Oh and the massive over-tones of Captain America punching Ay-rab Abdul in the face once more, but this time en Espagne! Imagine, if you will, "Patriot Games 2: Costa Del Sol Editon"

So, this was the first big screen adventure to be made off the back of Lost. Matthew Fox (Lost....uh extra in Smokin' Aces and nothing else) plays a secret service agent and body guard to the visiting president. Dennis "fucking" Quaid (G.I. Joe, Any Given Sunday) is Fox's partner who has just come back to service who proceeded to shit his iron-clad American balls out after taking a bullet for El Presidenté a year previous and is a tad shaky on the job. Forest Whitaker (Platoon, Last King Of Scotland) is Howard Lewis a tourist with a camcorder. Sigourney Weaver (Alien...need i say more just worship her) plays the aptly named "GNN" editor who witnesses the assassination from within the film crew's truck, through several cameramen. The other four perspective points are too convoluted to give an overview of without having to write more lines containing multiple *SPOILER WARNINGS* than Judas' mum made him after "that incident at dinner."

The President is shot from a window within the plaza. The same 20 minute or so sequence is shown from 4 different perspectives, adding a new layer of story each time. This effect is new to me, or at least the way it has been executed is, and i think its brilliant. I found myself guessing every few minutes at this and that, it entertained me which is rare with many films these days, being the cynic I am "hype" usually leads to disappointment.

There are several explosions, an epic car chase scene, gun fights and punch ups and all of it is really well done, visually and choreographically. The main plot as well as the good sprinkling of twists are all CLEVER AND ORIGINAL, remember those words, Hollywood, do you? You stinking bag of mediocrity, pumping out carbon copy Ferrel movies like so many alien eggs from the arse of Queen Grouchy McBitch-Pants herself. And to have come from a writer (Barry Levy) and director (Pete Travis) both more obscure than the following reference I shall now make:
"Shal kek nem ron" See? Told you it was obscure. But yes, nice to see new faces with talent instead of Michael Bay blowing shit up or M. Night Shyamalan telling everyone to fear everything....oh and making a film with the word BENDER in the title.

This review, being the first in a good 4 weeks, is short and, I'm sorry, dear readers, but that is because i can't really fault this film. It is by no means a perfect film, but it doesn't over extend itself (see: Setanta business policy) or try and be a film within a film or anything else equally as stupid. It IS the solid floury plot, with 2 well beaten action eggs and a good helping of high caliber milky actors to make the tastiest pancake in the shape of Matthew Fox's grizzled face. I'd eat that pancake, and you should too.

Viking: Battle For Asgard (PS3)

Well then, having been handed this game for free with the words "its shit. utter shit, even you will get bored of it before you finish it" still ringing in my ears I sat down to play through the "cheap-suit cheap-suit" RPG game Viking: Battle For Asgard.

The game is Fable 2 without the good bits and without the questionably good bits (aka magic, character customisation, and variety of game play) In fact I'm fairly sure the graphics engine is the same/damn similar as models move and interact in similar ways to Peter Molyneux's greatest achievement (in my opinion, its the only game he's ever done I've truly enjoyed) There are however some visual face-plants. Cutscenes are either in game graphics and none of the character's lips move nor do they show any hint of interaction with each other, or a badly put together "Wii'y" slide show of sketchy art work narrated by BRIAN BLESSED (its in all of his contracts that his name is always written in capitals. I don't make the rules) Another odd hole in the game would be the character design for the protagonist, Skarin. He wields an axe in his left hand and a sword in his right and yet for some reason the developers chose to put his scabbard on the left shoulder.......can't even begin to formulate a reason why.

Combat time. Against only a handful of unshielded enemies, combat is fun in the early stages of the game, but your health is too low to take more than a few hits. Once shielded and berserker enemies become commonplace the combat is more akin to "shitshitshitshit can i pull of this combo and then dodge that counterattack before those three big dudes rape my health" I was juggled to death by 4 shielded enemies as i didn't have the time to use a heavy attack and break any shields. However as soon as certain combos have been learnt at the arena you can, well, make enemies explode. Nuff said really. Other combat issues are related to mini boss fights, champions or giants. After enough damage has been done quick time events are used to finish off the enemies. Champions have three sets of QTEs whilst giants only have one.......which is also how you finish of the final boss. This is ridiculously lazy on the developers half. There is an element of magic thrown in for good measure as well. Mana is collected from defeated enemies and can be released through weapon runes as either fire, ice or lightening. These powers are most useful to bolster allies during battles as opposed to being in any way useful during combat. OK, yes, you can either drain mana slowly and help allies or get rid of it in one go with a more "powerful" move (ice = freezes enemies touching you [shit], lightening = lifts one enemy in the air and damages it [less shit] fire = flamethrower in front of you, weak but sets enemies on fire [passably good]) I very rarely used magic outside of each island's final battle to help my allies. Also, irritating beyond belief, it takes about 40 enemies to fill your mana bar. On tap of R2 and O and it all drains away with no way to stop it.

OK game play. In all essence a free roam game in which objectives are given in a linear fashion and all have to be completed in order to attack the stronghold on each island. These objectives are always...ALWAYS rescue a longboat full of hairy bikers with axes where they're faces should be, liberate a quarry/siege works to acquire the necessary equipment to assault the strong holds and a farm to provide you with healing potions to be bought from each of the three island's markets. Despite being the same every time these quests are not so time intensive to become boring. Other points worth mentioning are related to the game's fast travel system - leystones. These serve as not only in-game save points upon discovery, not only as teleport units for fast travel but they also serve as annoyingly located respawn points which are inevitably irritatingly far away from your current objective. The developers of this game obviously have some sort of under the table deal going down with arthritis pill companies. Instead of just simply holding circle to untie captives or activate leystones rapid, bone-shattering mashing of the button is required. This annoyed me more than anything else in this game. And hurt me. My thumb hurts because of playing this game. There is also an obvious last minute addition of "stealth." I say it like that because creeping around a fortress with a character with an obvious penchant for gymnastics who takes every opportunity to mount any beam, fence, barrel, donkey, RIGHT when the enemy patrol is the other side of it. This smacks of a lack of test gaming. Speaking of last minute additions, currency comes in the form of gold found in sacks, chests or jars across the three islands. They flash making the entire "treasure hunt" game play element I so enjoyed from games like Uncharted, redundant. And to add salty semen into the already rape-raw gaping stab wound of failure that was my last point.......on each island you can buy CHEAP MAPS which display all gold sites as blips on the minimap. Why even bother......

In the end though, gallivanting about islands freeing vikings to raise an army is cool. No other word for it really. The dragon powers are under developed, just like everything else in the game, but its still enjoyable burning legions of enemy forces from the sky. I would never have paid money for this game, so with that it has evidently failed its main purpose. Saying that, I did manage to last the entire game and still wanted to play it. More than can be said for the previous owner, that ADHD ridden-bastard.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Righty, so most of you have probably seen the Depp infested glittery, silver-screen version of this dark tale. I, however, have just this very eve returned from seeing the story told in a brilliant and most entertaining way.

A friend of mine said to me afterwards, when producing a play there are three important factors to remember for the audience; they have to understand, appreciate and enjoy what they have paid good money to see. All three were achieved and then some by the cast of Phoenix Rising Theatre Company in their first performance of a string of seven shows in six days.

Twelve hours of rehearsals a day, two and a quarter hour performance every evening under hot lights and judging audiences. I know I would never have the perseverance nor guts to do something like that, so already actors have my utmost respect. I was surprised and delighted to see one of my closest friends ,with no acting experience to speak of, get up on stage in full costume and make up to have his throat slit by Sweeney mere hours after meeting the cast.

OK then, firstly, this play is a musical, and from what I can tell a pretty demanding one vocally at some points. There were four actors from the performance that i felt particularly came across as strong confident singers; Sweeny, Mrs Lovett, Anthony and Joanna. The numbers range from lyrically powerful ballads about the death of Sweeney's wife, to Anthony and Joanna confessing their love, to Mrs Lovett and Sweeney cracking jokes about who's in the pies. Even the comedy pieces were well sung and actually understandable. Something I've found with musicals in the past is sometimes making out the words to most of the songs becomes to difficult to do, and thus the story too difficult to follow. I had never seen a play nor film of the Todd story and I understood everything perfectly.

Secondly, the immersion of the audience within the ballad of woe that is the story, "Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd, His skin was pale and his eye was odd" was a brilliant opening line. Now Phoenix Rising take no credit for the score nor the lyrics but i felt that warranted mentioning. The cast, on several occasions, walked amongst the audience, Sweeney offered me a shave (I declined) and i gave imaginary coins to a beggar-woman. This makes the play seem that little bit more accessible in my opinion. I was sat close to the stage but having actors walking amongst you does indeed add to the feeling of involvement.

Thirdly, the musical accompaniment, in the form of a subterranean twelve piece orchestra, was brilliant. The music to songs, the music between songs, the music whilst stage hands in steel-toed boots heft furniture around......all was very fitting and very elegantly played.

I honestly have nothing bad to say about this! I don't pretend to be a theatre critic (I have it on good authority and ACTUAL critic was present at this performance, I doubt he was disappointed!) but from the few plays I have seen this is certainly very high up the rankings. Bearing in mind it was produced, directed, acted, costumed, everything'ed by a cast and crew aged around 20. None too shabby.

Fanboys (2008)

So at first glance this appears to be yet another teen comedy running in the same vein as Superbad, Pineapple Express, Knocked Up and the like (AKA anything with Seth Rogan) HOWEVER it is this, but so much more my friends.

The age old question; who shot first, Greedo or Han? Well in my opinion it was neither. It was Ernest Cline when he wrote this masterpiece of nerd heaven. Its very probable that Star Wars fans the world over were having the same fantasy of seeing Episode I before its release, so much so that MUMS the world over had to regularly clean ominous white stains off Darth Vader bedsheets whilst hoping to god their 22 year old son still living at home had been with an actually girl and not just jacking it over that gold bikini again. SO, the review.

The film's plot is based around a group of 5 friends, all obsessed with Star Wars, and their age old plan to break into the Lucas Ranch, CA and steal a rough copy of Episode I: The Phantom Menace before its official cinema release. The group is made up of: Windows, the classic nerdy looking guy, glasses, skinny, greasy hair, online "life partner." Hutch, the big hairy Rush fan who dresses and acts like Han Solo throughout the film and has one testicle (unlike Harrison Ford, I hasten to add, I can't deal with anymore lawsuits god damnit) Zoe, the typical nerdy girl character, hot beyond belief but none of the guys can see it and a bit of a tomboy. Linus (which i think is a dig at Linux but there we go) an ordinary looking bloke who just so happens to *SPOILER WARNING* have cancer and wont last til the release of Episode I and Eric, the nerd who left it all behind to work for his father selling cars and hasn't spoken to Linus for 3 years.

Once Eric finds out about Linus'....."situation" the plan is put back on and the gang pile into Hutch's van, (kitted out like the Millennium Falcon even down to sound effects and everything very well done in my humble opinion) and head on out to California. Window's life partner says she can provide them with floor plans and other insider information to get them into the Lucas Ranch so they arrange to meet her in Texas. However, Hutch has other ideas and makes a detour to Riverside, Iowa the fabled future birthplace of one James Tiberius Kirk, to basically bash some Trekkies.

In comes the big guns Rogan. Rogan plays 3 separate roles in the film: a Trekkie Admiral, a redneck pimp and an alien. Thank god the film isn't based around him for once i might add. Rogan's input is good. Funny, well timed, balance and all together the RIGHT amount of Rogan, much like in Superbad. Anyways, the long and the short of it is he calls Solo a bitch and Hutch kicks his ass. Nice little segue.

Back on the road the guys get a flat and end up in a gay biker bar stripping for 20 hairy bikers. They are indeed saved by "The Chief" (Danny Trejo, who seems to have been in everything from Con-Air, Stargate Atlantis, Desperate Housewives, Spy Kids, Planet Terror you name it, he's been the Mexican of questionable intentions in it!) "The Chief likes to refer to himself in the third person, it confuses people. Especially bitches" made me larf lotsly. With the wheel fixed the guys roll out to Texas.

Dun dun dun. Hutch is caught speeding by the police (officer played by Joe Lo Truglio from Superbad) and attempts to out run them using his "hyperspace" button (NOx) and the 4 guys end up in jail. Zoe bails them out and joins the quest, but not until Hutch has spread a ham and cheese sandwich over a prison toilet and crapped a stonker right in front of the rest of the guys. Nice. Oh, the judge who acquits them of charges also happens to be Billy Dee Williams (Lando Callrisian) I'm just saying, OK, just saying.........bit of a dude.

Onwards to Texas to meet their contact "Red Leader" who inevitably turns out to be a 10 year old girl, and a fugly one at that. Window's gets beaten up by her uncle (played by My Name Is Earl's Ethan Suplee) who just so happens to be the owner of the biggest nerd forum site, they are forced to offer him exclusive spoilers once they've seen the film and he lets them go, telling them to travel to Trek-Kon in Vegas and ask for "scruffy nerf-herder."

Cameo appearances from Kevin Smith as a pimp for Jason Mewes, a rent boy,and his customer, Zak Knutson, in a truck stop bathroom. That is all.

In Vegas, Hutch and Windows end up fooling around with hookers and then running for their lives, Linus and Eric get into the Trek-Kon and meet "scruffy nerf-herder" who obviously turns out to be none other than William FUCKING Shatner. "I can score anything: I'm William Shatner" Shatner provides the necessary info to get the gang into the Ranch. During the escape from Roach the pimp (Rogan) and Admiral Seasholtz (Rogan) and his full USS Enterprise crew of expendable extras Linus ends up falling out of the van and ends up in hospital. Here comes another of the epic cameos. Carrie "Help Me Obi-Wan Kenobi" Fisher is the attending who treats Linus, an argument ensues and they escape from hospital. But not before Linus snogs Leia. WIN.

The sequences in the Ranch are basically porn for Lucasites. The group manage to get all the way into the vault containing a vast amount original props and costumes from Lucas films, Darth Vader suit, Indie's hat, Solo's blaster etc. Security catches them. Now when I say security I mean FUCKING DARTH MAUL. It is indeed Ray Park the original Maul, several references and a short lightsaber fight later the gang are captured and detained. Lucas decides that they can go, if they prove they are indeed Fanboys. Testing of each character begins based on Star Wars and sex acts. This could have been developed so much more into a major comedic piece in my opinion, it is also obvious that the security chief was written for Rogan but 4 roles is far too much Rogan all over my face, I mean in one movie.

So they don't get to see the movie. Well Linus does but then he dies so it doesn't matter anyway, right? Wrong. Surprisingly for a film of this genre, with these actors, there is quite a bit of emotion plugged into his character and story line and it has been executed well. So the four remaining characters camp out and wait for the movie to open, watch it and thus ends the film.

Overall, entertaining, well written and cast with a ridiculous list of cameos. Peppered with nerdy references and story sections that make this THE nerd comedy of the last few years. The main 5 actors are all relativly unknown with little acting experience or big screen roles and yet all of them handled themselves well, there was no lacking in acting talent for sure. Thoroughly enjoyable film, so long as you know your ewoks from your tribbles.